Subject: Fw: explains so much


>
> Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
> I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think
> about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
> and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
> of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
> to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
> dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
> Jack Handy
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
> happened to your bra and panties.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
> wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
> going to feel all day. "
> Frank Sinatra
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
> tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
> Henny Youngman
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
> laughing WITH you.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
> I think not."
> Stephen Wright
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
> we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
> When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
> get drunk and go to heaven!"
> Brian O'Rourke
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
> us to be happy."
> Benjamin Franklin
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
> retard.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Without question, the greatest invention in the
> history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
> wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
> not go nearly as well with pizza."
> Dave Barry
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
> over and over again that you love them.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
> Dave Howell
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
> converse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
> of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
> Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
> Here's how it went:
>
> "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
> fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
> the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
> are killed first . This natural selection is
> good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
> whole group keeps improving by the
> regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human
> brain can only operate as fast as the
> slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain
> cells.
>
> But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In
> this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
> making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you
> always feel smarter after a few beers."