>IRELAND DECLARES WAR ON AMERICA
>
>One afternoon, Bill Clinton was sitting in his office when his
>telephone rang.
>
>"Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says". This is Paddy
>down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that I am
>officially declaring war on you!"
>
>"Well, Paddy," Bill replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me,
>how big is your army?"
>
>"At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moments calculation,
>"There is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry and the
>entire dominoes team from the pub. That makes 8!"
>
>Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men
>in my army waiting to move on my word"
>
>"OK," says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
>
>Sure enough, the next day Paddy calls back. "Right Mr. Clinton, the
>war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
>
>"What equipment would that be, Paddy?" Bill asks.
>
>"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor
>>from the farm"
>
>Once more Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have
>50,000 tanks, 2000 mine layers, 10,000 armoured cars and my army has
>increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke"
>
>"I'll be dogged!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
>
>Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr Clinton, the
>war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
>gotten out old Ted's cropsrayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit
>and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
>
>Once more Bill sighs and says "I must tell you Paddy that I have 4000
>bombers and 8000 high manouverability attack planes and my military
>installations are surrounded by laser guided surface to air missiles
>and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
>
>"Oh cripes," says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back"
>
>Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Clinton, I am
>sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war"
>
>"I'm very sorry to hear that," says Bill. "Why the sudden change of
>heart?"
>
>"Well," says Paddy, "We've all had a chat and t'be sure, there's no
>way we can cope with 2 million prisoners

For heavens sake man, you have to do more than change a couple of names to make the joke new. Definitely not up to your usual standards. derf