Nothing ticks you off more than that moment during an argument
when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers!

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I
don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you
are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
( or knowing you're going to hit a shed in front of you on that bike OR... falling backward into the glass coffee table)

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it
asks me if I want to save any changes to my thirty page insurance policy
that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

Why is a school zone 25 mph? That seems like the optimal
cruising speed for pedophiles...

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what
do to with it.

I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone
they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with liquor than with "Kay".