Pinocchio and his girlfriend are in bed, doing what wooden puppets do, when she suddenly sighs. He asks her why, and she replies, "You’re probably the best lover I’ve ever had, but every time we make love you give me splinters."

This remark bothers Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he seeks advice from Gepetto, who suggests a bit of sandpaper might "smooth out" Pinnochio’s relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanks his creator and goes on his way.

A couple of weeks later, Gepetto runs into Pinocchio at the hardware store, where his little wooden friend is buying every package of sandpaper the store has in stock.

"So, Pinocchio," Gepetto remarks, "things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?"

"Girls?" says Pinocchio, "Who needs girls?