( I don't want Dave and Bilsleg after me but I do enjoy insulting the Aussies - from a safe distance of 12,000 miles - rather than standing at the bar to hoist a few. I admit, that as an Irishman, I feel like I'm betraying my own with this one! Anyway, here goes:

A tourist is standing at the cage of a huge lion in a London zoo. The tourist notices that the lion is licking at his arse.

One of the zoo keepers is standing alongside. The tourist asks: " Why is he doing that?".

The zoo keeper replies: " Just this morning, an Australian tourist crawled into the cage and the lion snatched him and swallowed him in two gulps".

The tourist says: "THat's awful!"

The zoo keeper says: " Yes, he's been trying to get the taste out of his mouth ever since!"

( OK,guys! If it makes you feel any better, my PH, upon learning that I was a lawyer, told me about the lion who was eating road kill and when asked by another lion why he did that replied:" I ate a lawyer yesterday and want to get the taste out of my mouth". (I came
8000 miles to be insulted?)

Than there were the 2 male lions walking along when the one licked the arse hole of the other. Turning around the second one asked "are you turning gay or something?" and the first one said "No, I ate a *New Yorker this morning and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth".

*I've also heard it with "Democrat" inserted here.

Now that is funny!!!

Gerry, I originally heard that one with 'Poms" instead of Australians. Still funny though!

It's almost the same punchline for the joke that starts out with the prices for admission to the lion park. Cars: $20, Buses: $55, Yanks on a bicycle: free.

Dave:

What is the fee for Yanks arriving with a big bore rifle and spoiling for a fight?