Here's a few signs your beyond your peak...how many can you add?

- You seem to have more cleavage than your wife these days

-You have to stop to catch your breath after leaning over to put your socks on

You weigh about the same as when you played varsity football in high school, but your waist is 12" bigger

- You don't go shopping even for yourself because there's nothing you want that you don't already have

- You're doing 55 on the expressway and feel like you're speeding

You like fruits & veggies more than pork chops

-You've become more "regular". Every morning at 07:00 sharp you take a nice long whiz .At 07:45 a good BM, and, at 08:30 you finally wake and get up

The gum tree saplings you planted for a hedge/screen between you and your nosy neighbors now provide shade to your whole lot

your new-fangled self propelled lawn mower is harder to use than your old push mower because even on "slow" it runs away from you

You remember all the neat or risqué, mischievous, or adventurous things you and your friends did in your teens...but you can't remember any of their last names

Your bones don't feel thawed out until it's at least 80° or more

Well that's just a few...what things tell you your Spring chicken has sprung?


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you feel like your get up and go has gotten up and gone...

there's this really hot young thing working at the Arby's that you're thinking "I'd look awfully good on that..." and then she says "you remind me soooooo much of my grandfather...".

and then you wonder if a grand jury would even indict you for what you're thinking right now...

You go to annual Pancake breakfasts to see how many people you know have died in the last year.

Grizz

You know you are built for comfort...not for speed!

You are now a metallic man...silver in your hair, gold in your teeth and lead in your ass!

If you have to bend over for something, you look around and see if there is anything else you can do while you are down there.

Those Velcro shoe laces are looking like a really good invention.

Your ass has been chewed so many times, you have a hard time keeping your pants up.

quote:

Originally posted by odies dad:
If you have to bend over for something, you look around and see if there is anything else you can do while you are down there.
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I **LOVE** it!!!

That old piece of crap car you were only too happy to get rid of, is now a classic that people are paying big bucks for.

quote:

Originally posted by odies dad:

Your ass has been chewed so many times, you have a hard time keeping your pants up.

Funny story: I'm at the range shooting my 1911, I put the gun and holster on my belt. Then a box of 45 acp's in my pocket, then go down and staple a target, stick the stapler in my pocket. Before I get back to the firing line, my pants are falling off !!

When you go hunting, you turn down your hearing aid, so you can walk quieter......You take a viagra before going into the woods, just to keep your boots drier when you pee.....Take a ginko memory pill, so you remember which pocket has the buck lure bottle, and which pocket has your cough med....and you never hunt downhill, because you can't drag dead deer uphill anymore.

You feel like Your Mother and Father have taken control over your life

Mother-Nature

Father-Time

I only suffer from two ailments:
CSS and CRS
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CSS = Cant See $h!7
CRS = Cant Remember $h!7

These are ALL FUNNY!!!!!!!!! (AND TRUE!)

Your friends and family keep coming to visit but each time they do you think you're making new friends.

When the highlight of your day is 'remembering that you forgot'.