The American

An American soldier serving in WWII had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and had made it to Southampton, England, there to board a train bound for a few days in London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat he found was one directly across from a well-dressed, middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my little Fifi is using that seat?”

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip to the end of the train, he found himself once again facing the woman with the dog in the opposite seat. Again, he asked, “Please lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.”

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, but you are quite arrogant. Imagine!”

The soldier leaned against the swaying wall of the train and again asked if he might please sit down. The lady said, “Not only are you Americans rude and arrogant, you’re also very inconsiderate.”

The soldier didn’t say anything else. Instead, he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train, and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, demanding that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up. “You know sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding your fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window!”

I had an old Czech friend who escaped from Prague when the soviets invaded + made his way to London. He said, there is a saying, that the English have good table manners, while the continentals have good food + the continentals have sex while the English have hot water bottles.

Lovely!