I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card.
She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the
card was signed.

When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the
receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that
signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it,
they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was
sorry,but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when
she
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to
blind people when the light is red.
She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

IDIOT SIGHTING #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the
company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is
fun. We should have lunch like this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer
staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not
turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We
went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly
to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!"
"I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."

The really scary thing is, I don't find any of this even remotely suprising. Funny, yes, suprising, no.

The $2 Bill. Everyone should start carrying them!

I am STILL laughing!! Many of today's youth are terribly challenged
without a computer to tell them what to do!! The story is funny. Lack of
education is not funny!!

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to
eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2
bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting
irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand
him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back." He goes to talk to
his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation
occurs between the two of them:
Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."
Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these. Do you have
anything else?"

Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah."

Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a
shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."

Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and
get change "

Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."

Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take
big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."

Manager: "We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"

Manager: "I think you know why."

Me: "No really, tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "What on earth for?"

Manager: "Please, sir."

Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager: "Would you please just leave?"

Me: "No."

Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."

Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the
phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining
area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later
this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause)
funny money."

Guard: "No kidding! What?"

Manager: "Get this ... a two dollar bill."

Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other
thing he has is a fifty."

Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."

Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of
here?"

Guard: "Yeah."

Security Guard walks over to me and......

Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to
use."

Me: "Uh, no."

Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

Me: "Why?"

Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat,
so I say "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two
dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a
swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and
says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

Manager: "It's fake."

Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."

Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

Guard: "Yeah?"

Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it
dawns on the guy that he has no clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small
drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see
what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people,
I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reading the above incident, it never ceases to amaze me that some peoples brains generate enough electricity to make their legs move, phenomina I had previously thought applied only to politicians and the media.




YUMAN, good post!!

That is unbelievable!!
Cheers,
Peter

I used to go out to eat quite a bit with a fellow at Boeing. He made it a special point to always keep several $2 bills in his wallet, and he would always leave a $2 bill as a tip.

To quote H.E. McKenna,"No one ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American public." Pretty damn sad really,but funny none the less.

Norman Conquest:

I think it was Mencken. (Much as this old Irishman has enjoyed reading about him {and his sharp observations} I think he would be very insulted to be mistaken for an Irishman)

Except I have had to sign my credit card so a store employee could see if they match. Usally they just ask to see my driver license.

Gentelmen don't underestimate the power of a $2.00 bill. In the subdued lighting of an adult entertainment establishment $2.00 are easily mistaken as $20.00.

I WILL HAVE to remember that!

quote:

Posted May 23, 3:05 AM
Gentelmen don't underestimate the power of a $2.00 bill. In the subdued lighting of an adult entertainment establishment $2.00 are easily mistaken as $20.00.

Yeah but don't they ride up your g-string while you're dancing?

When I read "IDIOT SIGHTING #4", I remembered, don't know if true or fake. (My translate to English, maybe not much accurate) One ecological activist said : "We don't need any powerplants, we have electricity in power point" . . . What to say more ?

Jiri

I use Travelers Checks while on vacation.
The wife and I were in a Sub/Deli/Beer joint and I tried to pay my tab with a $50.00 Travelers Check.
I was told that the Establishment did not take checks.
I told the jerk it wasn't a check,per se.
Mensa Man showed me where it said Check right there on it.
I was about to tell him all about his mother and the Football Team,when the Manager comes out to see what the ruckus is about.
The Manager actually held the Check up to the light.I started laughing out loud.
As luck would have it,in walks a Deputy.
I asked if he couldn't help us out?
The manager hands over the check and the Deputy looks at it and says,"So?"and hands it back.
We don't take checks here,says CEO manager.
The Deputy tells him it's not a personal check but a check that is good any where in the World.It's as good as a real $50.00 bill.
The mangler says he can't accept it anyway, so the Deputy offers to pay.I told him there was no reason to and that I wanted to talk to the owner.
Mensa man makes the call and starts speaking into the phone.
He says'Yes Sir'about nine times and comes over and told me the meal was on the house.

Idiots at work? hell, I thought you were discusiing out Congress. on them!
Paul B.