The Code:

1. A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

2. A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in at your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

3. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

4. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

5. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need deodorant and shaving gear - that's it!!

6. A Retrosexual does not dress like a homeboy with baggy pants that drag the ground, or with a gay chain from pocket to pocket. If wearing a hat, he wears it correctly - not on the side like a faggot.

7. A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with it" portion of The Code.

8. A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

9. A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

10. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a handbag carrying little wuss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

11. A Retrosexual is only allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug or alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak BBQ accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite dog expiring, etc.

12. A Retrosexual does NOT see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay him enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT! When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

13. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

14. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

15. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. This does not include males who have had cosmetic surgery.

16. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

17. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus, it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "waking up".

18. Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method
of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your truck.

19. When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you rude so-and-so" look on his face.


20. A Retrosexual will also give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt.'s)
NOTE:
The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.


21. A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance and drinking with the boys.

22. A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

23. A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he bloody well wanted it to land. Except on his truck - that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the Retrosexual man's options are to Cry, DEAL WITH IT, or do both.

24. A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract - a handshake is good enough.

25. A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just........DEAL
WITH IT

Perfect!!!!!!!!

this should be taught in schools

Amen!!!!

Absolutely bloody correct.

You've done it again, LRH! Tell Linda "thanks".

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar
of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the
purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a
topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all
other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by
the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other
again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,
"are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

Thou shalt not fruit the beer, nuff said

A man's bathroom has a case of toilet paper on the tank of the toilet.

There is a powder burning rate chart taped to the wall facing the toilet.

The shower contains only a bottle of shampoo, a bar of soap, and a radio.

The bathroom has a book case with wash cloths, towels, men's underwear, socks, and reloading books.

Under the sink is cold bluing stuff.

quote:

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.

KST
I have to disagree with these two, If ,for example, someone breaks into my house while I'm in the shower, then killing them is my first priority and pants are a close second,
and don't for get that the "General Lee" was orange

While a retrosexual may read and laugh about these rules he doesn't need anything written down to define what he is. His life can be condensed into the statement "Don't F**K with me." Gianni

(e) When she is using her teeth.

Yep, using the "teeth technique" will definitely get a reponse from me