Dear Mom:

May 30th:
Just moved to Houston. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.

What a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found
my home. I LOVE it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an
air-conditioned car.

What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze
to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At
least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I
expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though.
Gotto respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot
car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the
$2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and
shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!!

And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $280 just
to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now; $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't
even go inside. Why did I ever come here???

August 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature
down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman. I
hate this stupid city.

August 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today," I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the
time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked
cat!!!

August 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I
thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass.
Now my car smalls like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat...

August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and
sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm
up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1,700
worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this
damn heat.

August 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the
damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My
wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas. what kind of a
sick, demented idiot would want to live here?

From Hell,

Your Son

Like everything you post, Brucey, a considerable exaggeration.

It's hot and muggy in Houston, but they are probably more famous for torrential rains and flooding.

Bruce- Your joke is sorta funny but full of inaccuracies, as are most of your posts. It does get hot here in the summer but not that hot. It's only gotten above 100 two days this summer. Summer temps normally range from low 90's to upper 90's. The hot summers and mild winters beat the hell out of snow, in my opinion. The bad part is the humidity. And because we get a fair amount of precipitation, desert plants don't grow real well here. Trees, foliage and grass flourish here; no sand, rock or cactus. We also have lots of air pollution, mosquitos and traffic, but if you like doing business and making money, this is a good place to work. We're the fourth largest city in the U.S. now and have one of the strongest local economies. Come visit sometime.

[ 08-21-2003, 19:20: Message edited by: fla3006 ]

Come on guys,it's only a joke! I know you don't thimk much of the guy but what the heck,he's trying. derf

Derf- I invited him to Houston! You too! One of my best friends is Canadian. He's brought me lots of rifles Canadians don't want anymore because of the oppressive gun laws enacted up there.

Derf - I know it's a joke. In fact it's been posted here a couple of times before, so it's not even a NEW joke.

Brucey just tends to think everything he posts is holy writ and factual and I wanted to disuade him of that notion early on before he starts preaching to us about Houston like he does everything else American.

Personally I love Texas jokes. But the truth is it's a great state, full of great people. Texas and Texans have been very kind to me for 40 years now. I sometimes forget I'm really a New Mexican.

I wouldn't, however, advise anyone from Canada to come visit Texas in the summer.

I think the saying "if you don't like the weather today, wait until tomorrow" started with Houston in mind.

the weather in texas is not that bad. before i got my present job, i worked outside everyday and never had a problem besides keeping a damn good tan. however, people not use to the heat should be careful. my inlaws are from upstate new york. oswego NY...the only thing north of them is lake ontario and canada. for some reason, they always come to texas in the summer and it almost kills them!! i tell them i'd rather have the heat for about 4 months and beautiful weather the rest of the year, instead of nice weather for 3 or 4 months and then wet, frozen misery for the rest of the year, like they have in NY. but they are always relieved to go back up north. (probably partly because they all have the idea that rattlesnakes live under every bush and rock. don't know how they got that idea .)
i figure i'll just stay in texas with the snakes...cheers...bud

[ 08-21-2003, 23:46: Message edited by: budiceale ]

I have met lots of Canucks I didn't think to much of but I have yet to meet a Texan that I didn't. Course I haven't been all that far from home,only as far south as LA.lol derf