Of the perfect woman.

Short enough to give you a blowjob standing up, and her head is wide and flat enough to rest a beer stein on while she is doing it.

And...

At midnight, she turns into a triple pepperoni pizza and a six pack.

Shes deaf/mute, owns a pub and at 2am when you're finished poking her, she turns into a burger and a 6-pack.

It also helps if she can breathe through her ears.

Also, she has three buttons on her forehead: Left Button - "COOK"
Right Button - "CLEAN"
Center, and largest Button - "OFF"