The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would become as "Euro-Englis"

In the first year, "S" will replace the soft "C". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "C" will be dropped in favor of the "K". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "PH" will be replaced with "F". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach a stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "E" in the languag is desgrastful and it should go away.

By the end of the firth yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "TH" with "Z" and "W" with "V".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "O" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "OU", and after ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl vriten styl.

Zer wil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evriun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.