Wisdom

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)


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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'


- Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.


- Mark Twain


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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.


- George Burns


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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.


- Victor Borge


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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.


- Mark Twain


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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher.


- Socrates


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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.


- Groucho Marx


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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.


- Jimmy Durante


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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.


- Zsa Zsa Gabor


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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.


- Alex Levine


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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.


- Rodney Dangerfield


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Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.


- Spike Milligan


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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.


- Joe Namath


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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.


- Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.


- Will Rogers


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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.


- Winston Churchill


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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.


- Phyllis Diller


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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.


- Billy Crystal


And the cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good spit it out.


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Thanks for some real pearls.

I think Zsa Zsa was also the woman who claimed to be a wonderful housekeeper: every time she divorced a man, she kept his house!

GREAT,Thanks!!