Understanding Engineers --- One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when
one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?".

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you
want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

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Understanding Engineers - Two

To the optimist, the glass is half- full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.

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Understanding Engineers - Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The
priest said, "Here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so
sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

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Understanding Engineers - Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

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Understanding Engineers - Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work ?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work ?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost ?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that ?"

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Understanding Engineers - Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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Understanding Engineers - Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

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Understanding Engineers - Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took
the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me ?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

My daily bread, working with those _____ people!

This is going straight to my engineer student friends..

Johan

Sam:

I am the son of a civil engineer, the grandson of another and the nephew of an electrical engineer. I spent my life as a lawyer. (No aptitude for figures or math. So much for genes) My father would have laughed as I did at your engineering jokes.