Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Old Lady:
I am 109 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st 2012?

Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man came creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 40 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
He began to rub me all over of my body.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I had not felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now! '

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.