The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

*** Bonus Question ***

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed, or some variant, but fell short in producing a demonstration argument. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

Considering then the postulate presented to me by Teresa K. during my Freshman year: That "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that over two years later, I still have not succeeded in having relations with her; then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This young man is obviously too intelligent to be in college; he should be working at Microsoft or DARPA.

The devil is walking around hell one day, checking on the misery all
around him. Everyone's moaning and wailing like normal, except one new
arrival, sitting off by himself, contented as can be. Satan checks his
gauges and sees that it's 95 degrees and 80% humidity. So he goes to
the man and asks why he's so happy. "I like it here," the man says. "I'm
from Cleveland. This reminds me of sitting in the bleachers at an
Indians game."

Unhappy with this response, the devil goes back to his controls and
turns the temperature up to 105 degrees and 90% humidity. He returns to
find the Cleveland man just as happy as before. "This is even better
now," the man says. "It takes me back to those summer evenings, sitting
in front of a window fan with a plate of peirogies."

The devil is now quite upset. He decides to make the man really suffer,
cranking the heat up to 115 degrees and the humidity to 100%. But he
returns to see the Clevelander as contented as before. Now the devil is
hopping mad. "How can this be?!" he asks. "Aw, this is just like August
in Ohio," the man says. "Back in Cleveland, I'd be covered with
mosquitoes right now."

That was enough for the devil. Running back to his controls, he cranks
the temperature down to 50 degrees below zero. Within minutes, the pools
of molten brimstone begin to ice over. "Let's see what my Cleveland
friend has to say about this," the devil snickers to himself. To his
surprise, Satan returns to find the man r unning around and jumping for joy,
yelling at the top of his lungs:
"THE BROWNS WON THE SUPER BOWL! "THE BROWNS WON THE SUPER BOWL!"

I like that one but I thought it was the Red Socks.
Browns will do it before the Socks do.

I Prognosticate at My Bowl
Birman

Here's the really bad news. The Red Sox will NEVER will the Super Bowl. Probably not the World Series either!

To answer your question, have you ever been to San Antonio in the middle of July?

The Louisiana version has the Saints winning when hell freezes over.

As of today, the Red Sox are winning the wild card race in the MLB. Maybe they need to check the antifreeze in the brimstone!

[ 09-06-2003, 05:24: Message edited by: Nashcat ]

95 degrees and 80% humidity - that was my vacation in Florida in July! Never let your wife pick the time and place of your vacation.