I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

****

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic.

I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.

****

A man tried to sell me a coffin today.

I told him, that's the last thing I need.

****

The neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs.

We had been his customers for 8 years. We had no idea he was a barber.

****

100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.

Oh how the stables have turned.

****

My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."

"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is all right."

"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had sex with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."

"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."

****

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

It was a Big McSteak.