Awhile back I was driving down the road ( a little faster than the posted speed limit)I crossed a bridge only to se a policeman on the other side with a radar gun waiting for someone doing what I was doing... The cop then pulled me over , walked up to the car,and as I expected with that certain look on his face asked "what's your hurry".

I replied that I was late for work and was running a little behind so I thought I would try to make up for lost time.

The officer asked " What do you do?"

I replied " I'm a rectum stretcher"

The cop was kinda bewildered and asked "A what"

I told him again and then.

Then he asked " just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

I explained to him that: I start by inserting one finger, then I work up to two fingers, then three, then four , then with my whole hand in i work until I can get the other one in, then I slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet.

The cop then asked me with a puzzled look on his face " Just what do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"

I simply replied "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge....

The result:
Traffic ticket$95
Court cost $45
Look on his face PRICELESS