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This should offend about everyone (top 10 reasons)...
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Picture of Mark
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TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just **** in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN
1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still be president.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You get to be really obese.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
10a. When you're not.
10b. At all.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup.
2. Proper beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history prior to 400 a.d.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
1. The Cars
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN
1. Chicken Madras.
2. Lamb Passanda.
3. Onion Bhaji.
4. Bombay Potato.
5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
6. Rogan Josh.
7. Popadoms.
8. Chicken Dopiaza.
9. Meat Boona.
10. Kingfisher lager.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH
1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH
1. Guinness.
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge ****off shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to
the
ground.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering fatherless that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Crown Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.


for every hour in front of the computer you should have 3 hours outside
 
Posts: 7774 | Location: Between 2 rivers, Middle USA | Registered: 19 August 2000Reply With Quote
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G'day, Fosters Lager?????? That's a joke we have foisted on the rest of the world!!! No-one here drinks it! All the rest is true though....
As for the Germans #1 should have been,... the cars!

Cheers, Dave.
Non Illegitium Carborundum.


Cheers, Dave.

Aut Inveniam Viam aut Faciam.
 
Posts: 6716 | Location: The Hunting State. | Registered: 08 March 2005Reply With Quote
One of Us
Picture of darwinmauser
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Mark:
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just **** in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN
1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still be president.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You get to be really obese.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
10a. When you're not.
10b. At all.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup.
2. Proper beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history prior to 400 a.d.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN
1. Chicken Madras.
2. Lamb Passanda.
3. Onion Bhaji.
4. Bombay Potato.
5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
6. Rogan Josh.
7. Popadoms.
8. Chicken Dopiaza.
9. Meat Boona.
10. Kingfisher lager.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH
1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH
1. Guinness.
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge ****off shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to
the
ground.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering fatherless that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.



Mark
could you please change #2 in the Aussie section to Crown Lager

cheers
Pete


It's mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack; not rationality.
 
Posts: 2414 | Location: Humpty Doo NT Australia | Registered: 18 August 2004Reply With Quote
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jump jump jump


LIFE IS SHORT..................
 
Posts: 3850 | Registered: 21 July 2002Reply With Quote
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Picture of Mark
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Modifications made for the Ozzie blokes Smiler

Pete, does Crown Lager come in those 1 liter cans too? I think that is an important criteria here. <G>


for every hour in front of the computer you should have 3 hours outside
 
Posts: 7774 | Location: Between 2 rivers, Middle USA | Registered: 19 August 2000Reply With Quote
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posted Hide Post
Fosters Lager= warmed over stale Ozzie piss. thumbdown
Paul B.
 
Posts: 2814 | Location: Tucson AZ USA | Registered: 11 May 2001Reply With Quote
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Picture of darwinmauser
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Mark:
Modifications made for the Ozzie blokes Smiler

Pete, does Crown Lager come in those 1 liter cans too? I think that is an important criteria here. <G>


Thanks for that Mark,
No Crownies only come in glass mate. SmilerThe perseption that we all drink fosters down here needs to change, we EXPORT fosters but we keep the good stuff for ourselves. Big Grin


It's mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack; not rationality.
 
Posts: 2414 | Location: Humpty Doo NT Australia | Registered: 18 August 2004Reply With Quote
one of us
Picture of Fjold
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I was working with some Kiwis last month and I told them we had a Holiday in the first week and that I wouldn't be in the office.

They asked me which one? As Yanks had so many holidays that they couldn't keep them straight.

I told then it was "Independence Day" and they didn't know what that meant!


Frank



"I don't know what there is about buffalo that frightens me so.....He looks like he hates you personally. He looks like you owe him money."
- Robert Ruark, Horn of the Hunter, 1953

NRA Life, SAF Life, CRPA Life, DRSS lite

 
Posts: 12700 | Location: Kentucky, USA | Registered: 30 December 2002Reply With Quote
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I want to be Irish.

I do not want to be a French/Canadian/Englishman.
 
Posts: 10371 | Location: Texas... time to secede!! | Registered: 12 February 2004Reply With Quote
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Picture of redial
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I'm glad you Ozzies spoke up about the Fosters!

The first time I tried that swill, I thought you must be the stupidest people on earth. Now I find out it's you who's had the laugh!

Hey, try some Budweiser!;-)

Cheers!

Redial


"Greatness without Grace is mere Vanity" - Hank the Cowdog
 
Posts: 1121 | Location: Florence, MT USA | Registered: 30 April 2002Reply With Quote
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Picture of darwinmauser
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quote:
Originally posted by redial:
I'm glad you Ozzies spoke up about the Fosters!

The first time I tried that swill, I thought you must be the stupidest people on earth. Now I find out it's you who's had the laugh!

Hey, try some Budweiser!;-)

Cheers!

Redial


I did try some Bud a few years ago redial ,it's a totally forgetable experiance . thumbdown


It's mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack; not rationality.
 
Posts: 2414 | Location: Humpty Doo NT Australia | Registered: 18 August 2004Reply With Quote
one of us
Picture of redial
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It's the Yank equivalent of Fosters. Both taste like formaldehyde (sp?). I'm beginning to think the Canucks are snickering quietly too - ever tried Kokanee? Tastes like the other two.

The only gracious thing I can muster to say about our unwashed hermaphrodite environmentalist friends that inhabit our Northwest area is that they do make good beer and good coffee.

Redial


"Greatness without Grace is mere Vanity" - Hank the Cowdog
 
Posts: 1121 | Location: Florence, MT USA | Registered: 30 April 2002Reply With Quote
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Picture of darwinmauser
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by redial:
It's the Yank equivalent of Fosters. Both taste like formaldehyde (sp?). I'm beginning to think the Canucks are snickering quietly too - ever tried Kokanee? Tastes like the other two.

The only gracious thing I can muster to say about our unwashed hermaphrodite environmentalist friends that inhabit our Northwest area is that they do make good beer and good coffee.

Redial


Well if your going to say anything , say something nice. Smiler


It's mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack; not rationality.
 
Posts: 2414 | Location: Humpty Doo NT Australia | Registered: 18 August 2004Reply With Quote
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Picture of Ben589
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Every beer I've ever had tasted like crap to me ... well, with the exception of a Samuel Adams Cherry-Wheat special blend a few years back, but that's the ONLY exception.

I drink Glenlivet - sometimes over pure springwater, sometimes straight up.

Most "American" beers I've tried just taste too much like, well, like what I'd imagine horse-piss or something to taste like, and the darker "premium" beers are too harsh and "grainy" for my tastes. But then, I don't care much for wines either, excepting some sweet wines like dessert wines.

Liqueurs like Drambuie, Sheridan, etc. are good, but scotches and good whiskeys like Maker's Mark are more to my tastes.


======================================
Cleachdadh mi fo m' féileadh dé tha an m' osan.
 
Posts: 2172 | Location: Highlands of South Alabama, USA | Registered: 28 October 2004Reply With Quote
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