EXCERPTS FROM REAL RESUMES AND COVER LETTERS (supposedly...)

1. I am loyal to my employer at all costs.... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

2. Hobbies: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

3. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

4. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

5. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

6. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

7. Marital status: often. Children: various.

8. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

9. Finished eighth in my class of ten.

10. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.