Sooner Or Later…….

A couple in their nineties were both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor told them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair. “Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?” he asked.

“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”

“Sure.”

“Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asked.

“No, I can remember it.”

“Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?”

He said, “I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”

“I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?” she asked.

Irritated, he said, “I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!”

Then he toddled into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returned from the kitchen and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment. “Where's my toast?”

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”

The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.”

“Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, that's the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

Hospital regulations required a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don't know,” he said. “She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

“So, I hear you're getting married?”

“Yep!”

“Do I know her?”

“Nope!”

“This woman, is she good looking?”

“Not really.”

“Is she a good cook?”

“Nah, she can't cook too well.”

“Does she have lots of money?”

“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”

“Well, then, is she good in bed?”

“I don't know.”

“Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”

“Because she can still drive!”

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You're really doing great, aren't you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’”

The doctor said, “I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'”

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

One more........

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?”

“No,” he replied, “Arthritis.”

Ole was getting really hard of hearing but had to get a physical. He brought Lena along to help.
The doctor asked Ole to take off his shirt so he could listen to his heart.
"WHAT?' Ole yelled back.
Lena leaned over and yelled into his ear, "TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT "
Next the doctor asked Ole for a stool and urine sample.
"WHAT?" hollered Ole.
Lena leaned over and yelled into his ear "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR"

Those aren't funny, they're reality.

If you hear 20 minutes of moaning and grunting coming from my bedroom..... it's just me trying to get out of bed in the morning.

Yeah,I enjoy jokes,even when we have to deal with our own truth. My mother in law is turning 101 + starting to get demensia.Yes I can still use a joke but the truth hurts.

Some of the best in a while. It’s hard to turn ashes to ashes, dust to dust into a good punch line!

Might as well laugh;this is life's ONE evantuality.BTW,none of us gets out of here alive.I buried my best friend last month;I will miss him.