Ole the Norwegian and Sven the Swede lived on farms right across the border from one another between Norway and Sweden. As boys they played together and were the greatest of friends.
As they grew, they became aware of the thing about "being Norwegian" and "being Swede", probably as a result of their relations talking about the merits of being one or the other. Ole and Sven also, in a good natured way, kidded each other through the years about the merits of being Norwegian or being Swede.
This went on all their lives, but as time passed they started taking this rivalry more seriously, and finally Ole passed some derogatory remark about the mental deficiencies of the Swedes which pushed Sven past his point of tolerance.
Said Sven: "By Gar, Ole, Ay vas born a Swede, Ay haff lived all my life a Swede, and I am going to die a Swede!"
To which Ole said: " Ya, but Sven...ain't you got no ambition at all?" ________________________________________________________________________________________
A Swedish couple were in their house. Suddenly, the wife said to her husband "Get me a pair of loafers" so the husband came back with two norwegians.
A pilot was having trouble maintaing the stability of his plane. So he turned to the co-pilot and asked him what the trouble was. The co-pilot said that there were a bunch of norwegians on board causing a ruckus. So the pilot asked him to calm them down. The co-pilot left and came back, and suddenly the plane was calm. The pilot said "How did you take care of all those norwegians?"
"Oh, it was easy" said the co-pilot. "I just opened the hatch and told them there was free lutefisk in the basement!"
Ole and Trina were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets" Ole got up from his coffee and mutters, "Yumpun Yeezus, what a pain!" Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their coffee and the weather forecast is: "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and says " Yumpun Yeezus again? O.K." Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is: "There will be 5 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the�" and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He says to Trina "Oh, yeezus, what am I going to do now?" Trina replies "Aw Ole, yust leave da car in da garage!"
Two groups of men are fishing the same lake, a group of Danes and a group of Norwegians. They're all casting away like mad, but while the Danes are catching lots of fish, the Norwegians aren't catching anything at all. So one of the Norwegians tells one of his friends to go over to the Danish group and see what it is that they're doing to catch all these fish. So off the guy goes, and pretty soon he comes back to the Norwegian group. When asked what the Danes were doing, he said, "Well, it looks like the first thing they do is cut a hole in the ice....."
Swen was leaning against the fence watching the morning turn into afternoon, when this Irish guy walks by with a wheelbarrow full of manure. Swen asked him "Vat are you gonna do vit dat?" The Irishman replied, "I'm going to put it on my strawberries." Swen smiled and said, "Ve Norvegians put sugar on ours."
Ole and Lena got marrried. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go farther if you vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth.
When the Norwegian accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents."
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. "The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the first Norwegian. "Vell," said the other one, "At dat price it's a good ting we didn't catch any more."
OLE: Here's da nails you vanted me to get Sven. SVEN: You idiot! Dese nails all have da points on da wrong end! OLE: Dat's okay Sven, ve can use dem on da other side of da barn.
Two Norwegians were trying to get a mule into their barn. but it's ears were too long. One Norwegian suggested raising the roof of the barn. The other one thought they should dig a trench. "No, you dummy," exploded the first, "it's the ears that are too long, not the legs!"
