_____
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
_____
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
_____
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one
of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told
me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places
to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since
this incident, the instructions now include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
_____
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion
she answered "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband
was alive "
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
_____
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's
your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the
Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labelled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
_____
A new, young MD when doing his residency in OB, was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
embarrassment he
had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle
aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
doctor, but
the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

Plinker603

[ 11-07-2003, 00:39: Message edited by: Plinker603 ]