you know you're getting old when you think club med is a pharmacy instead of a place to chase girls

quote:

Originally posted by butchloc:
you know you're getting old when you think club med is a pharmacy instead of a place to chase girls

or you think "her or her mom?"

You know you're getting old when you sit down in a tub of hot water and your balls float to the top.

There is one thing good about getting old.
Now you get turned on by women from 18 to 60.
More women, more fun. Viagra is for wimps.

I realised I was getting Old when it all reversed! When I was young I had dry farts & wet dreams! Then I got Old & it went the other way round!(thats right) DRY DREAMS& WET FARTS!!!!!!! THEN TO MAKE THINGS WORSE!My wife came to the doctors with me.(as Years of shooting have taken their toll on my hearing) The 'vet' said "good morning dave" I looked at the 'cook' who yelled "He said how is ya?".This continued through the examination. At last the Vet said "Dave I need a sample of your Urine,Feasis&sperm" I looked at my blushing bride for a explenation of his question? She yelled back at me.........."HE WANTS A PAIR OF YOUR UNDERPANTS LOVE......"

Hymns for the aged . . .

1. "Just A 'Slower' Walk With Thee"
2. "It Is Well With My Soul", But My Knees still Hurt
3. "Amazing Grace", and Thanks For All My Doctors As Well
4. "Precious Lord, Take My Hand", And Help Me Up From The Couch
5. "Count Your Many 'Birthdays', Count Them One By One"
6. "Go Tell It On The Mountain", But Speak Up
7. "Give Me The Old 'Timers' Religion"
8. "Blessed 'Insurance'"
9. "Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah", I've Forgotten Where I've Parked the Truck

I can still remember the very first time I saw a mother walking through a mall with her teenaged daughter and I thought to myself, "Wow, that's a cute mom!"

It hit me like a ton of bricks about 2 seconds after I thought it.

... and yeah, my wife goads me for my hearing all the time. My family wants me to get my ears tested, but so far I've been too scared of what an ear doctor would tell me to visit one... I'm too young for hearing aids.

Unfortunately, all those years practicing for IDPA and FCSA have really taken their toll on me... I was young and invincible, and earplugs weren't for me.

Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to appeal to aging baby boomers. They include:

Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

Ringo Starr - I Get By With a Little Help from Depends

Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now

Paul Simon - Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

Marvin Gaye - I Heard it Through the GrapeNuts

Procol Harem - A Whiter Shade of Hair

Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations - Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

Abba - Denture Queen

Tony Orlando - Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling if you Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy - I am Woman, Hear me Snore

Willie Nelson - On the Throne Again

Leslie Gore - It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?"



I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago.



Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face 'was way too old to have been my classmate.



After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Lawton Senior High School.



"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Wolverine." he gleamed with pride.



"When did you graduate?" I asked.



He answered, "In 1961. Why do you ask?"



"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.



He looked at me closely.



Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled s.o.b. asked, "What did you teach"?