There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would
break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic
session,
she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband
was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful
and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all
of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the
toy . . . you explain the kids."

There is truth to this.

I once served with a fellow who had a vasectomy, tested, while overseas. During a leave/furlough, he put it to his old lady quite a bit. Being gone quite a long time, his wife was much pleased to announce to him the pending birth of "their" child, approximately the correct amount of time later. His ex-wife now lives with her son and the boys father in another community...