Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.



MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.





JACK AND JILL Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.





SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man

going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,

"What have you got there?"

Said the Pie man unto Simon,

"Pies, you dumb #$%!"





HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.





HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.





GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.





There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very

good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a

waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Hickory Dickory Dock
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
And the other two escaped with minor injuries

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Sat down besid her
and said, "Hey bitch what's in the bowl?"
(alternate last line, So she squished him with her spoon)

Mary had a little lamb
A little pork
A little jam
Then a soda topped with fizz
Now how sick our Mary is

there was an old man from Adair

who did all his girls on the stair

one day banister broke

so he lengthened his stroke

and finished her off in mid-air

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch poor Rover a bone.
But when she bent over
Rover drove her
'Cause Rover had a bone of his own!

Mary had a little lamb, and was everyone sure suprised.

Mary had a little lamb
she also had a duck
she put them on a window sill
to see if they'd fall off

Jack and Jill went up the Hill
Each had a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with $2.50

Mary had a little lamb, and the doctor was suprised.

But when old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor simply died.