An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points."



His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"



The old man replied, "It's fart football."



A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score."



After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha! I'm ahead 14 to 7."



Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."



Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."



Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, And accidentally shits in the bed.



The wife says, "What the hell was that?"



The old man says, "Half time, switch sides!!!!!

Better not let Brice read this one!

You're too late!

Reminds me of the guy who walked into a bar. There was only one other patron, so he sat down one stool removed from patron #1. After a couple of minutes he detected the pungent odor of human feces. He looked at the other fellow and asked, "Did you shit your pants?"

"Yeah, I did," said the man.

"Well, why don't you go to the john and clean yourself?" says patron #2.

"I'm not done yet" was the reply.