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One of Us |
Most PH's I've hunted with have been crazier when I left than they were before I got there. I never sleep on safari (except in the truck), and I drink a lot. No PH I've ever had can keep up with me. After the first morning, when the sundowners have turned into sunrisers, they generally don't even try. Buncha wussies, I say. I hesitate to tell this story, and I haven't done so before now, but what the hell. One of my PHs shot himself one time. It was just after I had drained another bottle of hooch one night and insisted on extending my safari yet again. I was within my rights, as he hadn't produced a single world's record trophy for me. He'd been skimping on the liquor, too. This guy is well known in PH circles, and some of you might recognize him, although this is not his best side.  We found him like that on the morning after I had yet again called my USA travel agent on the satphone to reschedule my flight home. I was pretty upset that he'd tried to commit suicide on me, since I figured that I still had four more hunting days left. And to top it off, a truck had just come into camp with another case of Gordon's. So, I gave him a couple of hard kidney kicks, and told him to bloody well stop laying down on the job! The lazy oaf just lay there and whined. He insisted on medical evacuation. For one lousy .458 caliber gunshot wound to the spleen. Yeah, right! Unfortunately, the game scout called in a med-evac copter and cut short my safari. Even more unfortunately, the PH got adequate medical care and recovered in time to show up at the airport with the local cops. He presented the final paperwork and forced me at gunpoint to settle my safari account - just as I was boarding my plane home! The SOB even made me pay for the satphone minutes! I got him good, though. I paid in traveler's checks, and when I got home, I reported them stolen! Anyway, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.  Mike Wilderness is my cathedral, and hunting is my prayer. | |||
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Has anyone ever written a book with stories crazy PHs? Martin | |||
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That must have been a very big tick. | |||
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375lvr, I'm trying to convince Steve Robinson to do just that. I think it would be a real seller. | |||
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I'd actually quite like to do it but it'd take an immense amount of research and consequently a fair bit of time..... which at the moment, I don't have.... you'd also have to change the names of everyone involved to protect the innocent..... and sometimes the not so innocent!  | |||
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ya but dam it would be fun and I'm sure a lot of Ph's would be happy to send there stories in for you to paint for them. I know someone who would be willing to help with research and story collection  he would work for room and board and beer money  | |||
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Saeed's Walter stories would fill the first few chapters  and I'm sure we could get Walter to tell a few on Saeed to | |||
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Imagine how fun the research alone would be. You would have to loosen up tongue of the POK (person of knowledge) a bit to get the real or most interesting stories I am sure the bar tab would be staggering, but well worth it.Martin | |||
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 I never thought of the bar tab dam have you seen how much those guys can drink they put bikes to shame when it comes to drinking Speaking of bikers how's your rice rocket doing STEVE  | |||
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She'd be a lot better if I could find time to get the spanners out and free off a slightly sticky front brake. I've been trying to find time to do it for weeks but it'll now have to wait for me to come home from Uganda. | |||
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Guys I will do the interviews in the bar and pay the tab i need a few laughs lately. Guy standing the longest with me gets the cup of the craziest ph in the world. Steve and ddrhook you ever going to forget or stop reminding me about my fishing rods???? Luan | |||
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LUAN, the answer is NO just like were not going to let Aubrey forget about the bronze croc skull he has fallen in love with your ability to absorb booze is legendary some poor sod is going to wake up with a world class hang over trying to keep up with you  | |||
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STEVE  brake I did not know you knew what brakes where for. I'm still having night mare's about your so called driving | |||
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I will volunteer to be the videographer of the interviews. Hell, I would pay to be the videographer! Video stabilization would be mandatory due to how hard I would be laughing . I imagine the video clips would be priceless. Might be a bonus included with the purchase of the book Martin | |||
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you will need a wide/tall angle lens!!!!!! Luan is not a small man!!!!!!. stabilization would be impossible you would be rolling around on the ground to much | |||
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Not a chance my friend!!! That one will definitely be going into the book!!! More seriously, it'll take a fair bit of work and time (so don't be in a hurry for it guys) but I'm sure will be fun to do.  I go away on safari in a few days, so won't be able to start anything until I get back but I think the right thing to do is to give a percentage of the profits (not that I expect them to be be much) to the Boddington Fund. That way the PHs and hunters who contribute and the people who buy the book will feel they're getting/putting something back. | |||
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Half way through the safari last year, he chopped off the beard, or most of it. Shocking. The guy is fearless. | |||
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Just found the Full Story of this picture above www.kikazi.com  Nec Timor Nec Temeritas | |||
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This is all and good, but have any of you ever thought of the stories that the PH's could tell? Kind of puts it into perspective. At any rate here is my story. We were in Namibia and it was, according to the PH too early in the year and just too cold for us to be worrying about snakes. About that time after almost yelling at us for carrying on like little kids scared of the dark we turned a corner on a two track and this, what looked like a black pvc pipe shot up through the yellow grass. Naturally we went off again. He climbed out of the truck and said "just shoot it". Well, when your guns and scopes are sighted in for 100+ yards it's kind of hard to focus on a Black Faced Cobra at about 15 to 20 feet. My hunting buddy gave it a go and the snake went down, and of course went off into the grass. The PH, in shorts of course, picked up a stick, a very short stick to me, and went wandering out in the one meter tall grass looking for the snake. Then he said "here it is come and shoot it again." I don't know about you, but I did not leave the truck, I have enough problems with my health to know that a snake bite of any kind will do me in. The Cobra measured out at 8 feet in length. My buddy has a cool trophy in his home a cobra skin. Just somoething strange to me about walking out in three foot tall grass with shorts on and a short stick to move the grass around so you can see a wounded snake laying there. | |||
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I noticed a hole in the living room ceiling at the lodge one evening, and asked about it. Seemed to me that the pattern in the drywall indicated it was shot from above. They explained that my PH had gone up into the dark attic to sort out a large black mamba with a torch and 22 rifle with birdshot. That's past crazy it's just stoopid, with two O's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |||
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Mike, I sympothise with you as I heard about this episode a few years ago. Apparently the ph also forced his clients (you) to drink beer and wine and eat ground corn meal(grits) because they refused that he leave to replenish the already depleted water and food supplies. In addition the ph was quoted as saying that another contributing factor to his attempted suicide was the fact that the clients refused to bath/shower for a number of days, something to do with the non palatable black colored water or something to that effect. Eventually when they did allow him to take them to a National Park tourist camp they forced him to make the camp supply purchases in a busy store before he was allowed to take a shower. This meant that all patrons that stood in line or browsed the isles held their noses, gave disapproving looks and made wide berths around him. In fact many people mostly women and children were seen running from the one and only store. People still talk about it to this day. Heard something about whistling and cheering as the vehicle left the tourist camp. Anyway sorry to hear about your experience Mike. | |||
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I'll bet you heard about this episode!!! For the record, we did run out of drinking water before we ran out of alcohol, but to us that was a major benefit. I hate the way some outfitters push the water on their clients. If I'm going to dehydrate, run out of food and have to postpone my flights, I ought to be able to burn my breath at night for light to dial the satphone by. And the mealie meal was Michelin three star quality compared to the usual stuff we were forced to eat before we ran out of it. There were two flavors, as I recall. Brown and green. And I'm pretty sure that the green was brown to start with. Also, as you may have heard, the water was black BEFORE we used it to wash off five days' worth of dust, dirt, blood, cattle and fly dung. After we used our own clothes as sponges and washed with it, it was more mud than water. I'm pretty sure that some of those cattle that were conveniently blamed on that lion were actually poisoned from drinking that damned black water, and were only scavenged by the lion. And just as an aside, I don't mean to give business advice, but some outfitters really need to tell people that the daily rate doesn't include food or water. Most (not including me, of course) would gladly pay a little extra for such things. And don't even get me started on those tourists. They were bigger wussies than I can even relate. Buncha rich-assed snobs. Buying snack foods at a convenience store in the richest game fields on earth. Hell, I almost grabbed my rifle from the truck and shot some plains game at the camp water hole just to show them how the food chain works! Anyway, it's getting late here on the East Coast of the USA, and I need to crack open another bottle of Lagavulin to get me through to sunrise. Glad to see that you are well, despite the attempt at revisionist history. Mike Wilderness is my cathedral, and hunting is my prayer. | |||
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Who is the craziest PH you know? I nominate this guy. Many of our members have hunted with him. Yes, that is Alister.  | |||
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