Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4am by
the telephone.

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour
but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en
Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland
supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those
unwanted babies - wi'll be ruined!"

Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from abroad...
Brutain?..."

PM: "No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!"

Hilth Munister: "What about Australia?"

PM: "Maybe - but we don't want them to know thet we are stuck."

Hilth Munister: "You call John Howard - tell hum we need one moollion
condoms; ten enches long and eight enches thuck! That way they'll know
how bug the Kiwis really are!!"

Helen calls John, who agrees to help the Kiwis out in their hour of
need.
Three days later a van arrives in Auckland - full of boxes.

A delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms;
10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold.

She then notices in small writing on each and ivery one.........



..



MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : SMALL

Sheep can't read anyway so no problem.

Dingo stole my baby

I guess this is the level you have to stoop to when you have been beaten at cricket by the Poms , and netball and rugby by the Kiwis.

Sad , really , when when you bother to think about it - but then why would we?????

What happins when a Kiwi emigrates to Aus //

It raises the IQ of both countries (-:

How can you tell if an Aussie is standing up straight in a BAR ... easy, he dribbles out both sides of his mouth

Peter

The Kiwis are probably still wondering how that rubber thing the shape of a coin fits on.


***

Try as he might, this Kiwi after reading the instructions couldn't get it to fit ....


"Unroll condom on to the head .....








He then re-read the instructions and noted the second line.

.... of the penus." (note translated into Kiwi for easy use.)

His human girlfriend was not amused.

Seeing all you guys is certainly proof that your parents didnt know how to use them either...

I beleive the Aussie wimmens cricket lost to the Poms as well - must be the reason for this sad outpouring of grief from you all....

Why is it that kiwis who think they are so brilliant !! cant find a job in their own country ???,then come to Australia steal our jobs ,then expect to be first in line for all the BLUDGE jobs !! because they think they are so wonderful ?? we have them at work and they are all lazy and UP THEMSELVES !!!Maybe its beacause they have a dyke Prime minister who makes them all feel inadequate ??

Come on velo,

The Kiwis can't help it they elected Comrade Helen into office. If they are lucky she will be out soon and have some time to visit a dentist.

Jeez Velo - how would you tell who was a kiwi at your work place if they are all lazy and up themselves? They would fit right in and be impossible to pick from the rest of youse....

I suspect you , at least , are probably a well balanced aussie any way - you know , a chip on both shoulders....

Where the Hell did they get that ''THING'' Helen Clarke from any way from anyway ?? was she a ''parts bin special ''from a sex change clinic in the Phillipines ????going cheap?? at least Australians had the balls to vote for a Man [even if it was Howard ]instead of an ''it ''from a bunch of ball less, under the thumb Kiwis [which by definition is a useless bird that cant fly ,unless its on a Quantas plane at Australian taxpayers expense, and a long beak so it can get as far UP ITSELF as possible ,which is no effort for it considering its no good for anything else .They should all be deported and shot in that order

velodog

If fate treats us well we might get rid of that air brush pinko liberal Helen as we have an election tomorrow in NZ // Helen and her socialist comrades hopefully will get a #9 Jack Boot up the jackse and be booted out, but I am not too hopeful yet as we have an element of lazy SOB's over here whom prefer the DOLE and DPB instead of contributing to society in a meaningful way. Helen is relying on the lower socio economic group to keep her in Power so she can steal off the hard working Kiwi's to pay the dole bludgers and reprebates of society

We even pay criminals in jail over here compenstion for HURT FEELINGS and all those other bleeding liberal ideas

We live in hope

To all the kiwis on the forum, best of luck tomorrow. Maybe we can all stop calling NZ 'HELENGRAD'?

Cheers, Dave.
Non Illegitium Carborundum

Listening to the news last night, I can not believe the NZer Parliament has seats reserved on racial grounds for Maoris.

Hopefully as your Nationals promise it will soon be a thing of the past.

Was also listening to a radio news item last week where Kiwi "workers" in Sydney were protesting about something, probably having to work.

The lefty journalist doing the interviews interviewed some gits that sounded like they had Maori accents, or just "thick" Kiwi accents (pun intended on "thick" Kiwi ) who stated that " we are over here because the Unions are stonger and the working conditions better." I guess he "works" on the docks or a building site.

You guys have all forgotten that you are all immigrants in Australia , just some have been there longer than others....

Just went and ticked the two blue boxes

Gidday Guys,

Ticked two blue boxes myself yesterday but it looks like it was in vain. Maybe the Aussies are right and the average Kiwi is thick.

Why else would you vote for another three years of the PC prats.

Too many useless thick townies.

Worst thing we ever did was give the vote to women.

Happy Hunting

Hamish

Sorry to hear that Hamish.

Does she have bad breath to go with her bad teeth?

quote:

You guys have all forgotten that you are all immigrants in Australia , just some have been there longer than others....

Muzza,

I am 100% a native of this country.

But there-in lies the big PC bullshit question - are you an original inhabitant or descended from the later wave of "immigrants".

Like you I am 100 percent indigenous to my country of birth , but according to the arse-kissing politically-correct theorists and academics that have infiltrated our political structure in NZ I am an immigrant in my own country . The fact that the so-called indigenous people of NZ have only been here for 6-800 years , and they arrived by boat and proceeded to eat and chase off the actual original people , has been mysteriously transformed into a reason why those people should now have a far greater say on how the country is run than the rest of us .

Sorry , rambling a bit there ...

Actually last nights election result is interesting - the ruling Labour party - led by the gorgeous bull-dyke Helen and her all woman band -are only in front by 1.5% or so , and the actual governing of the country now depends on which of the minor parties is prepared to sell its soul to which major party to form a government . Interesting times in the next week or so I think .

Well said Muzza,all is not lost just yet.I think Winston Peters will side with the party that will let him be PM

Muzza,
Who were the origional people? Any links to sites I can look at. I'm interested in all that sort of stuff.

http://www.zealand.org.nz/moriori.htm

try this link Bakes - dont know whats in it but will get you started.

Probably get blasted by the politically correct for getting into this subject but I have broad shoulders , and it makes a change from slagging you guys as well....

So Helen Clarke is actually a dyke?

Aaaarrrrgggghhhhhh.

No , I doubt it but its a handy tag to give some-one like her .

Certainly not one that I would want to watch in action anyway.......

The pictures confirm what we allready know, ie any Kiwi who goes to live in Autralia is f*cked in the head.
It's why they fit in there, they are half way to being an Ocker. Who, as every one knows. are totaly f*cked in the head.

Thanks Muzza, very interesting.

No worries Bakes .

Hope you dont think we all have the same views as oldun above ( actually we do all have the same views - we just hope you dont believe it)

At least he didnt add " you can always tell an aussie - you just cant tell him f**k all"
or " do you know the difference between a buffalo and a bison ? An Austrayan washes ees face in a bison " ( you may need to do the aussie accent for the last one ....)

Bakes - if you are really interested in origins of early inhabitants you might be interested in the DNA evidence that suggests that some NZ Maori tribes originated from the hill tribes in Taiwan. Guess thats why we have so many asians here now ......sort of a family get-together ...

quote:

NZ Maori tribes originated from the hill tribes in Taiwan.

I had heard that. I watched a show that said that it was the women that came from Taiwan and they picked up male guides from Northern Papua. From there they spread out.

I form all my views on NZ by watching "Motorway patrol" on TV.Half those blokes they pull over would be in jail over here in Oz.Geez your coppers are soft.

No Shaun , they arent soft - they arent allowed to do their jobs "prpoerly" due to the politically correct laws that have hamstrung the police for the last ten years . The minute a white cop stops a non-white person it is discrimination , and " you are picking on me cos I am black " and crap like that .If the crim happens to be asian then they make out they cant speak english - which half of them cant - and dont understand , which is why a lot of those dickheads you see on tv are asians . The driving ability of the average asian in Auckland at least is on a par with the iq of a politician - minimal on a good day .

You shouldnt take the Motorway Patrol people as being representative of all NZers - Auckland is a seperate third world state in the north of NZ - the rest of the country is decidedly more "normal" than what is shown on tv.

Aussie's are well into recycling these days.
They take 365 used condoms melt them down and make a single car tyre.

Call it a "Goodyear!

If Helen Clarke aint a Dyke ,she should have been one uggggh[he he] imagine that!!! for your Prime Minister ,no wonder the kiwis cant wait to get out of the place ,since there are no jobs there ,evidently there is 12,000 kiwis is Brisbane alone ! Helen Clarke said ''Australia owes us !!!! for taking our workers away from New Zealand'' oh my God!!!! what an attitude !! yes Australia owes the whole world !! like John Howard giving 200 million dollars to Idonesia for ''nothing ''!!! Good God!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by muzza:
You shouldnt take the Motorway Patrol people as being representative of all NZers - Auckland is a seperate third world state in the north of NZ - the rest of the country is decidedly more "normal" than what is shown on tv.

I find it very humourous.

That bloke strugling with the condom looks like a ex jafa to me.

quote:

Originally posted by NitroX:

quote:

Originally posted by muzza:
You shouldnt take the Motorway Patrol people as being representative of all NZers - Auckland is a seperate third world state in the north of NZ - the rest of the country is decidedly more "normal" than what is shown on tv.

I find it very humourous.

Sadly, so do I!!!!