..when he thought up the idea of spear grass Went out hunting this morning and got covered in the shit. The slightest knock sends dozens of little spears raining down on top of you, its crap stuff.

From an ecological point of view, local native spear grasses (Sorghum spp.) could be considered indigenous weeds in the Top End.

One only need observe their distribution and density in relation to other grass species to get an inkling of this. The grass occupies an extraordinarily wide range of habitats from high, lateritic woodlands, seasonally inundated flats through to sandstone sand-flats and scree slopes. Its hyper-abundance gives the appearance of a plant in disharmony with local floristics.

Fire in the woodlands of Kakadu is largely about spear grass. It constitutes around 40 to 50 per cent of the annual fuel load and the majority of the free-standing fuel, so without spear grass, fires would be much less intense. It is not uncommon to see lowland forest standing in spear grass suffer 100 per cent scorch as early as late April.

Leaf litter is the second major contributor to the annual fuel budget. Leaf litter fires (without spear grass) tend to have a low scorch height and intensity, although in extreme weather conditions, a heavy accumulation of litter can produce very hot fires 1 . Despite its major influence on annual fire, little is known about spear grass in terms of changes in its distribution and density over time.

The role of native sorghum in Top End fire regimes needs more examination.

It's the tree hugger in me.

I believe that in many parts of the Top End not subject to robust fire-management regimes, this negative scenario has significantly worsened since the mid-1980s. At this time the buffalo population suddenly and spectacularly crashed as a result of the National Brucellosis and Tuberculosis Eradication Campaign. Spear grass, which was probably thinned due to trampling by buffalo in the wet season, was apparently released from the constraints of bovine activity and increased in density throughout the region.

Thus, it is my view that from the mid 1980s, dry-season fires became hotter and possibly more frequent with a resulting impact on fire-sensitive ecological comm�unities (such as lowland monsoon forests). However, this increase in fire frequency and, more part�icularly, temp�erature, has been subtle and not recognised by the casual observer.

Did you swallow an enviromental report before you went to bed mate?

On base we have tried burning at different times to knock the spear grass down, our firies used to do it every year now we have to use contractors. Then we run out of money and can't pay the contractors so it doesn't get burnt....

Cattle love the stuff when its young but wont touch it when it gets old.

bakes.

What are you worried about when I got home I had to get heaps of the stuff out of my hair. It must have been a hell of a morning as Shannon's thrown the towel in for todays pig hunt.

Gary.

Yeah but Gary you can take your hair OFF to get the seeds out

OK you can stop now

The contractors the RAAF employ have tried burning off some areas when the grass is still green. The theory is to try to stop the grass from seeding so next years growth is less (don't think its working)I spoke to a property owner that has a place next to the base. He said the only way to knock it down is th graze it heavily when its growing. Can't do that on the base so it grows like crazy.

I remember when I was working for BHP in the territory the firm of lawyers that they retained from Darwin was "Speargrass & Troppo". That was 10 years ago & I guess without that stuff they wouldn't have a business name!

Shaun mate , you astound me .

There I was thinking you were a total dick and you are actually a knowledgeable tree hugging bloke !

I found that narrative very interesting actually , speargrass is something we dont have ( thankfully ) so it is nice to learn about without having to get it out ya clothing or hair - not that it should worry Bakes too much there ...

Interesting that you state there isnt a lot of research into the actual influence that fire has on its life cycle and ability to survive . Would be a neat subject to do a study on - suitably Govt funded of course - in the NT . Would need at least three years of semi continuous on-the-spot research , were do I sign up?

Thanks for that mate , your skills at cut-and-paste amaze me , and it was very interesting , truly ...

PS I thought you had disappeared there for a while , not something some-one said to offend you I hope ?

How's this cut and paste for you to read over your pornflakes?



Two Kiwi girls are browsing around a perfume counter, one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist and smells it.

"That's quite nice, don't you fink Trace?"

"Yeah Sharon, what's it called?"

"Viens a moi"

"VIENS A MOI, what the fock does that mean?"

At this stage the shop assistant offers some help.

"Viens a moi, ladies is French for 'come to me'"

Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again, saying,

"That doesn't smell like come to me Trace. Does it smell like come to you?

---------------------------------------

Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Kiwi's what does that make Cheeta?



A: Smarter than the pair of them.

---------------------------------------

Wallabies.



During a Rugby tour of New Zealand the Australian team are relaxing in a pub after a hard fought victory.



Three Kiwis, angry ant their teams loss decide to see if they can spark a brawl.



the 1st one walks up to Matthew Burke and says "George Gregan is gay"

Burke replies "yeah thats nice"

the 2nd one walks up to him and says "George Gregan roots sheep"

Burk looks up and answers " yeah thats nice"

the 3rd one walks up to him and says " George Gregan is a kiwi"

Matthew turns around and says " yeah I thought thats what your friends were trying to tell me

---------------------------------------

John Mitchell goes to Australia for a meeting with Eddie Jones. After the meeting, Eddie says to John, "Well John, I don't know what you think of your players, but mine are all bright and brilliant.?



"How do you know?" asks John.



"Oh well, it's simple", says Eddie. "They all have to take special tests before they can play here. Just watch this." He calls George Gregan over and asks him, "Tell me George, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"



" Ah, that's simple Eddie ", says George, "it's me!"



"Well done George", says Eddie, and John Mitchell is very impressed. John returns to New Zealand and wonders about the intelligence of the team. He calls in Carlos Spencer and asks, "Carlos, tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"



Carlos thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit more John, and I'll give you the answer tomorrow?"



"Of course," says John, "you've got 24 hours."



Spencer goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his team-mates but no-one knows the answer. 20 hours later, Spencer is very worried - still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says "I know, I'll ring Stephen Larkham, he's clever, he'll know the answer."



He calls Stephen Larkham. "Steve," he says, "tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"



"Very simple", says Larkham, "it's me!"



"Of course", says Carlos and rings John Mitchell. "John", says Carlos, "I've got the answer - it's Stephen Larkham".



"No, you idiot", says John, "it's George Gregan."





Go Wallabies!



Don't choke mate,but I hope the milk runs out your nose.

But mate , I was just trying to have an intelligent conversation with you on the subject of speargrass , which I know diddly squat about , and you go getting all defensive .

I was interested in the fire effects etc but oh no , poor old Shaun , back to the sheep jokes and rugby jokes ( didnt youse blokes loose all the rugby this past season )and inflamatory cross cultural bigotry.

Now mate , I am really happy to learn about speargrass from you , mate , its interesting stuff . Shall we start again without the crap jokes or do I have to lower my already wavering standards and post that embarrasing picture of you with your girlfriend on the motorcycle......

Sorry mate,but after reading your line,

"There I was thinking you were a total dick"

all these Kiwi jokes suddenly came over me late last night.



Besides I know jack about speargrass my real interest lays in Horological Engineering.



Here you go Murray,broaden your knowledge.



http://savanna.ntu.edu.au/publications/savanna_links25/fire_spear_grass.html



For reference.



One characteristic of the Australians is that NOTHING is sacred, and they'll laugh and mock just about anything or anyone. Being able to also mock and laugh at one-self is fair-dinkum Aussie. Aussie jokes may be abrasive, but they are NEVER PERSONAL with the malicious intention to abuse or insult. Just for a great belly-laughter, Aussie-style !



What's the difference between Aussies and pigs?





Pigs don't turn into Aussies when they drink.



What's the difference between an Australian and a computer?





You only have to punch information into a computer once.



Why do birds fly upside down over Australia?





It's not worth shitting on.



Why was the Christ child not born in Australia?





You'd have a job finding three wise men, much less a virgin!!



What do you call a field full of Australians?





A vacant lot.

Mate - talk about deja vu !! My specialty subject at Uni was Horological Engineering , passed with a Masters Degree with Honours !

We have to get together and compare notes ! Now I really am looking forward to my trip to sunny Qld in May . Wow , a fellow student of H.E. just amazing... such a small world !

For the uninitiated Horology is the study or manufacture of timepieces ie watches and clocks

Muzza, does that mean we gotta call you "Your Honour"?

Here you go Muzza, some spear grass...

Intriguing stuff mate . Thanks for the photos , never actually seen it before . My rancher friend in central Qld always goes on about spear grass and this is the actual stuff .

How tall does it get , and how heavy are the seedheads ? I guess the spear bits are the seedheads ? Makes our hook grass look pretty insignificant .

And yes , hirology is the study of timepieces . I didnt make it up , but I did lie about the Masterate in Hirological Engineering , as I am sure Shaun told a whopper about his interest , given that his bed time is when Mickeys big hand is on the twelve and his little hand is on the seven.....

The stuff behind the quad is about as big as it grows. In the dry it falls over to form a mat about waist high and its murder to walk through. The "shaft" of the seed, when wet twists, thats how it works its way into the ground.



When I read about your interest in time pieces I thought "christ what a couple of nerds"

Oh OK Muzza,describe a double three legged escape movement?
I can because I worked on one.

I'd be concerned with a Sydney boarding school too.

My son used to ask for $20 to 'take his girlfriend out'
I'd give him $50 and hope he'd have a good time. It was worth it for the peace of mind to know he wasn't taken out a rump-ranger boyfriend!

Downside is I'm gonna be a "grossfarter" in August! Hope the little bugger likes guns!

Just had a thought (yeah, it hurt!) does being able to adjust the time, day and date on my watch (and get it right first time!!!) when daylight saving ends in a leap year, qualify me as a horological engineer? I haven't done it yet, but (shock horror) I have the instruction manula beside me, and I'm getting there! Thesis will be published soon!

Far Canel, I look at it as an investment - bit like forced saving - the fees I pay are going to be returned to me (or my boy) by way of settlement in the inevitable law suit that will occur somewhere down the track.

Christ, I hope I'm wrong!! But the little bugger is a natural chick magnet - and he knows it !! Prick !! But I'm still a better hunter than him, even if he can shoot rings (oops! ) around me!!

Speaking of time; all youse "Nortons" users that want to spend more money on guns and not software. My live update subscription ran out last December.
Reset you PC clock to June 2003 and then run live update. The stupid thing gives you all the Norton antivirus online updates to Mar 2004 - free.

((((This post will self distruct in 5 secs or before Symnetec finds out))))

Bad Arse, could make a few unkind remarks about your being a 'grossfarter', but you have been very kind and supportive about some of the challenges I have confronted in the recent past, so I won't. By hell it's tempting, though!! Congratulations!!

Still haven't followed thru on the western action stuff - too distracted - but I'll do it - looks like great fun. Well, the topic WAS what was God thinking!

Make some kind remarks; I just love that Kevin Bloody Wilson song about pullin yer grandad's finger! (Fzzzzzzzz, Ho! Ho! Ho!)

"Make some kind remarks..." uummmm weellll, arrr, errrum geee, aaahhhh, uhhmmm, eerrrrr,....! Well, the helmet is nice, and ummmmm you do look sort of Germanic, and ummmm, arrrr... the uniform appears to be nicely pressed, and arrrr. Well as far as I know you're an OK kind of guy, so... arrr

Does that help?

Kevin Bloody Wilson!! My boy and I spent many a night spotlighting with him blaring on the car stereo in the holidays immediately after I flicked my wife!!! 'Hey Santa Clause You C.....' and other socially relevant and responsible songs on this particular cassette led to a great deal of in-depth discourse on the vagaries of life. In addition the songs provided a catalyst for a great deal of interactive communication regarding why being able to 'breath though one's ears' would be in any way regarded by women as a positive attribute! He learnt a lot - I learnt a lot (about just what the little bugger already knew!!), and we had a great time - and in all honesty - Kev Wilson was the catalyst - the tape stays in the car, and he always brings it out and chats about that holiday - one of those precious father/son things - God help me if his mother finds out - DOCS will have my guts for garters!! And yes, we did nail a few foxes and hares... no I'm not going there, he's not quite 13...

Mate - " a double three legged escape movement " sounds like the action you see when you have been porking the next door neighbours wife and daughter together , and the front door opens - and you hear the magic words " Honey , I'm home"....

I doubt anyone would give a damn about your horological abilities right about then

Are you sure you don't want that web site Bakes?
Looks like 'it' could do with a bit of bleeching.
might have to shave that carpet arse.
I recon I could sell this to the gay sites.

HAHAHA but what strength in the young lad, that barbell weighed 20 kg

You wouldn't be able to hold up 2kg with this thing mate. You guys in the forces just can't wait to nude up in front of all your mates.



This is my rifle,this my gun

One is for shooting,one is for fun.



http://www.dazereader.com/analbleaching.htm

Thanks guys, The site of seeing Blakes backside just made me lose my lunch.

Urdubob

Is that a feather sticking out of Bakes's arse?

Its a tail feather - the rest of the chicken may well be still attached........

You guys just don't appreciate the feeling one gets when one goes nude

the feeling I get when you go nude is called REVULSION

You bunch of aussies and kiwis are the most funniest guys on the internet.
Thanks

LG

Lorenzo,
Ain't no place in this world for a bunch of grizzle-arsed bitching bloody wingers, who think the world owes them something.

"Every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ... just for this time in my life

Old age is like a bank account ... you can withdraw only those happy memories and good times with friends that you've put in."