Publication by the YSA (Young Scientists of Australia):
'Let there be dark'

This publication addresses a subject that has been overlooked for far too long in the scientific community. A great deal has been written regarding the properties of light with such aspects as its speed, the relationship it has with energy and so forth.
But the properties of dark have not been made public until very recently when information about the Darksucker Conspiracy was leaked by someone from our offices and into the YSA Sydney newsletter.
Whoever you are, you're sacked.

I must now accept the responsibility of explaining dark to the world. First let us consider some of the most obvious evidence.

Dark is most usually encountered at night so it can be quickly established that it is nocturnal. This in itself may seem trivial, but in matters as important as this, everything is vital to our understanding. Next, let us consider the speed of dark. When we turn off a light switch and allow dark to enter a room, it can be observed that dark arrives instantly as soon as the light is turned off. This leads to two possible conditions

Dark is capable of moving at 'blinding' speed, or Dark was in the room all the time but could not be seen due to the glare of the light.
This second option is quite possible as light is much brighter than dark. It has also been observed that when night falls, dark is first noticeable in the deepest ravines and valleys, then progresses gradually up the hillsides, finally arriving on the mountaintops. This seems to indicate that the speed of dark is very slow. So is the speed of dark very fast or very slow? There is only one possible answer - the speed of dark, unlike light, is infinitely variable.

This progression of dark seems to be reversed at dawn. Dark leaves the mountaintops first, creeps down the hillsides and leaves the ravines last.
Does everyone see the pattern developing here?
Dark is always on the bottom, light is always on the top! What does this mean?
Allow me to save you the long hours of deliberation required to arrive at the correct conclusion. It simply indicates that dark is heavier than light. This of course refers to dark in its natural state. When humans start to have a bit of a fiddle with any property of nature, things tend to change, so the weight relationship between dark and light may be altered in the future with consequences as yet unknown.

When dark disappears from the valleys at daybreak, have you ever wondered where it all goes? I have spent long hours searching for dark in broad daylight. I have found that dark spends the day in many places such as caves, hollow trees, coal mines, rabbit burrows and wells. After the ever-present interference of humans, dark sometimes gets trapped inside buildings and other places not intended by Mother Nature.

Another property that has come to my attention is the consistency of dark. I have discovered that dark is more tightly packed than light. This can be easily deduced from the fact that you cannot see through dark whereas you can see almost unlimited distances through light - with the possible exceptions of Mexico City and Sydney.
Dark has considerable effects on many things, including humans and other wild animals. Humans tend to have sex mostly in the dark, as well as commit crimes, get drunk, and engage in barber shop singing. This could possibly be the origin of the term 'to be left in the dark' but why it is now held as a rather negative term is beyond me. Dogs howl in the dark, bats hunt in the dark, and mice run around your house in the dark.
The reason for this strange influence must be left for further research.
When looking at the many applications of light that are in current use, even though it is severely limited with its single speed and such, it can be seen that the number of applications of dark, with no such limitations, is nothing short of enormous! Work on the utilisation of dark has been of primary importance out here in the bunker, and in the following months we shall be releasing our first product: an electric dark. An electric dark will be a godsend for those people who work shiftwork and have trouble sleeping in the day.
Further findings will be presented as they come to hand.

Very good :-) Is dark afraid of light?

Bakes, Where are you spending your time off?

Not outside in the dark thats for sure...did you see what goes on there

NO cause it's DARK out there mate.

It is better to blow out one candle than curse the intensity of the light.

Fugg me Bakesy i thought your dog was trained to intercept what you have been smoking.

No mate he finds bad guys....now pass the tally-ho's!