This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms (and not wetting your pants) as you read ...

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.

"Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.

"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.

A genuinely funny man, who will be sorely missed.
You're right though, just try getting away with that sort of thing now, you'd have so many do-gooders on your case, so fast, your head would spin!
Now, to track down a copy of that episode......

Cheers, Dave.
Non Illegitium Carborundum

We are now a worse off.
We have lost a very funny man and gained thousands if not millions of petty minded sensorial twerps.

I really enjoyed his work, especially open all hours. i'll miss him.

I always thought he was the funniest person alive. Porridge was my favourite.
Mark

BAW ,
I vaguely remember a "G' rated version of this from when I was a kid . There was a line where Rindercella "slopped her dripper" that got me going even then .

Ren I whead this I version I Maughed so luch I nearly missed peself .

He was definitely the better part of the great Two Ronnies duo .
Thanks for posting . I've got to forward this to a few mates .

Sometime around the early '80's, a company I was working for (BFC Finance, the Aus subsidiary of Beneficial Finance US) used Barker in their local advertising campaign...

I had the priveledge of meeting and spending some time with him, and he was as charming and genial as he was funny... a real gentleman who will be sorely missed.