1

AMERICAN Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Montey Eldridge



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2

AN OLD cowboy goes to a bar and orders a drink. As he sits sipping his whiskey, a young lady sits down next to him.

She turns to the cowboy and asks: "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replies: "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

She replies: "I'm a lesbian, I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.

When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."

The two sit sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sits down the other side of the old cowboy and asks: "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replies: "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Roger Dickenson, Virginia


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3

A GUY is 67 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say:"Pick me up."

He looked around and could not see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice again:"Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there floating on the top was a frog. The man said: "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you have ever could have dreamed of."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said: "What are you nuts, didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said:"Naah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Steve



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4

A MAN goes to see his GP.

"You must help me Doctor," he says, "I keep seeing talking dogs, talking mice, talking crickets, and even talking ducks ......what should I do?"

"Don't worry," replies the Doctor. "You're just having Disney spells."

Bjorn Free



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5

A SCIENTIST has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist outside and ..............kicked the sh*t out of him.

Marco Parmegiani



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6

Who was the first superhero on the internet?

Spiderman, he's always had a web prescence.


Andrew Rimmer



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7

It is hard to find a joke without a dirty word or two in it. Here is one with none:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch,

"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies,

"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Harry Carr



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8


WHAT'S the difference between a North American buffalo and a bison?

You can wash your hands in a bison.

Skorik



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9

A BLONDE, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss.

She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.

In the morning, the brunette says: "That was fun, we should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."



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10

A MAN is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner.

He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams 'PIG!'

Astonished, the man turns and yells back, 'BITCH!' as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig.

What a coincidence !

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,
too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence." Continuing, he said "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence." says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!
"What a coincidence." says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years I thought all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.

quote:

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AN OLD cowboy goes to a bar and orders a drink. As he sits sipping his whiskey, a young lady sits down next to him.

She turns to the cowboy and asks: "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replies: "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

She replies: "I'm a lesbian, I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.

When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."

The two sit sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sits down the other side of the old cowboy and asks: "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replies: "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Roger Dickenson, Virginia

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While the cowboys profession is self-evident. I bet you I can guess what this ladies profession was.

She run a "liquor licencee".

Have you ever wondered where the phrase, "You gotta be shittin' me!" came from?

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of our Country. Way back when, George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops. There were 33 [remember this number] in Washington's boat.

It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters [remember this name] and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly
an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour later, one of his men said, "General, I see lights ahead."

They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know, was that this was a house of ill repute hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman.

A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, "Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort."

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, "Well, General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?"

Washington replied, "Well, madam, there are 32 of us without Peters."

And the Madam said, "You gotta be shittin' me!"