Every word is true.



I saw this post on another message board written by a retired airline pilot. Enjoy.

Here's my rant from airline days long gone:

How about the "F-teen" guys that have never flown anything without a nose wheel, GPS, EFIS, yaw damper, hud, fly by wire or centerline thrust. Their shoes never touch the rudder pedals except to taxi and go by the call sign "Ace" or "Skeeter"? Their entire flying experience has never involved one revolution of a propeller or ignition of the first drop of avgas in a combustion stroke of a recip horizontally opposed, radial or V engine. The aircraft is always referred to as the "jet". A constantly stated belief is that the entire sky should be reserved solely for military and air carrier operations, general aviation is just a bunch of shitheads and pissants that should be grounded.
How about the guys that wear gloves to fly a transport category jet, or put a folded clothe on their lap under their seat belt, or spray everything in the cockpit with Lysol, or start the trip by spraying and wiping the instruments with their special cloth? How about the guys that start the month off by asking you if you are saved? How about the guys that bring a keyboard, trombone or guitar in a hard case and try to get all that shit in the cockpit for four fuck'in days? How about having to walk through the terminal, ride on the crew bus and go through security with a guy carrying all that shit. If you carry your own bags you don't have to go through the constant assembly and disassembly at every escalator, stairs or elevator. Shit, you have to leave the damn hotel ten minutes early to allow for this constant dick-dance. How about pointing out a warbird like a B-25 to a young copilot then commenting on Jimmy Doolittle and having him ask, "Who is Jimmy Doolittle"? And what's up with all these fuck'in wheels? A man should only take as much shit with him as he can physically carry (his own damn self) with his own hands. The next invention in wheels will probably be tandem ball hitches so two or more fag-bags can be transported in series on a trip. How about four days (or a month) with a dude that always has granny glasses on a string around the neck? How about the guys that constantly want to tell you how they used to do it at their previous airline that went fucking bankrupt. Obviously that turd did not flush. Shut the fuck up about it was better at Eastern, Braniff (1),(2)&(3), North Central, Frontier, Texas International, Southern Airways, People Express, Muse, Western, PSA, Air California, Midway, TransTexas, Continental(1), Pan AM (1)&(2), TWA, Republic, Morris Air, or how you got screwed by ALPA, defined benfit retirement plans, Crandall, Putnam, Lorenzo, Acker, Harding Lawrence. JFC!!STFU!! How am I doing so far?

Now let's go to the next level:

What's up with female pilots, male stewardesses, rampant high-mach gayness throughout the company and entire world, people that are hired to be pilots just to fill quotas that fly airplanes like old people fuck and management pencil-dicks that kiss their asses, CRM circle-jerks that last for two fucking days at the training center, bullshit packed college pricks that don't know their asses from a shotgun barrel or have any real world experience hiring pilots by asking them multiple questions that have nothing the fuck to do with reality or anything that matters about getting the job of safe, efficient flight operations accomplished. How about having to work with people that are crisis oriented, don't love aviation, can't fly for shit, take no pride in their appearance (gravity and cosmetic challenged). Van drivers that think they are NASCAR drivers. Hotels staffed by incompetent misfits and full of screaming kids and drunk assholes knocking on your door and calling your room at 0330 hours on an AM trip. Showers with no hot water, toilets that run all night long, airconditioners that sound like a Maytag washing machine breaking down when they cycle off and on, alarm clocks that you didn't set going off at 0345 hours when you don't need to get up until 0500 hours. Trash trucks with those loud fucking reverse klaxons that bang the fucking dumpsters over and over and fucking over at 0355 hours. Trains that go right behind the hotel at 0405 hours waking all the crew that is staying on the back side of the hotel. Hotel restaurants that are supposed to open at 0600 hours, but don't open until 0625 when the van departs at 0630 hours and you're going on a fourteen hour duty day with no food breaks. Now we're to the part again where the van driver thinks he a NASCAR driver. It's 15 fucking degrees outside in the dark and the dumbass driver can only make the van heat operate at full fucking sweat your ass in your overcoat off hot or full fucking freeze your toes off frostbite suicidal Eskimo cold, but he can stick his bony fucking hand out when you get to the airport. How am I doing now? Do any of you feel like you have been on that trip too? Next chapter will deal with the geniuses at airport security, My blood pressure is up and since I'm retired, I think I'll go have a beer and see what else comes to mind.

Good on ya....the airlines lost a great deal when they went from beautiful and charming stews to gay wanna be's and fat grandmothers.

quote:

Originally posted by billinthewild:
Good on ya....the airlines lost a great deal when they went from beautiful and charming stews to gay wanna be's and fat grandmothers.

I am married to a former F/A [EAL for 3 1/2 yrs] and like most of the dinosaurs amongst us, I had a very low opinion of the male flight attendant creatures. Let me tell you a story that changed my mind, at least about some of them.
I was standing at the gate in MIA some time ago, speaking to the Capt and a redcoat working the flight. Another redcoat comes up with a Psgr that was well dressed, past middle aged and drunk as a skunk - really boiled. The redcoat escorting this guy [carrying?] told the gate agent the drunk had a full fare first class ticket on the flight to ATL and they would board him or no based on what the Capt said. The Capt said, “Don't ask me, I don't have to put up with him. Ask this guy here, he is the A-line for the flight.” And so this guy says, "Sure, board him - I'll take care of him - no problem!" and it just happened I was seated immediately behind and across the aisle from him. The F/A helps him into his seat and makes sure he is buckled in, and then asked if he would like a drink! I could not believe he would serve him - he asked for "Bourbon and water, emphasis on the bourbon" but the F/A told him, "Right away, Sir!" and left.
Two minutes later he was back, telling the Psgr, "Here's your black coffee, Sir! Be careful, it's hot!" to which the Psgr said, "I didn’t want coffee, I wanted bourbon!" The F/A then told him it was too late to get a drink before flight time but he would get him one as soon as possible after we were in flight.
Well, to make a long story short, the F/A served this guy everything under the sun EXCEPT anything with alcohol! When we landed in ATL the Psgr went up to the first redcoat he saw and asked for the way to the Crown Room, then pointed at the F/A and said, "Give that man a raise - bes' damn flight I have ever been on!"
So, you just never know - but I'll admit I did like the old days better and I regret to say I believe we have seen the best days of our industry go by. It has been a good ride, though, and I have enjoyed it.

Welcome to my world!@!

That's right on the money.

What about fat-f-cks that clip their nails while checking out of the hotel? You know the First Officers that are former USAF Colonels and who can't believe they aren't in the left seat from day one?

Hey, you missed one of the best luxuries of hotel stays: Fly all night long, land in bad weather. Wait 45 minutes for the hotel transportation to show up. Arrive at the hotel. The front desk tells you your flight isn't in their computer (your company has been staying here for years) and there aren't any rooms ready - would you like a complimentary breakfast? Answer - no, I want a room to f-cking sleep in. Begin phoning your company to unf-ck the hotel front desk and magically rooms become available.

Take the elevator up. Put the magnetic key in the door. It doesn't work. Go back down to get another. Go back to the room. Key works. Open door and enter room. Bed is not made, towels and trash all over room. Call front desk and tell them to have a clean room and key ready for you when you get back down.

Finally get a working key to a clean room. Put your "Do not disturb" tag on the door. Try to sleep. The (English is a very Second Language) house keeper knocks with her ring on the door: "Housekeeepeen!" You wake up with a start, shout "The do not disturb sign means just that, do not DISTURB!!!!" Go back to sleep. Just as good dreams are visiting you, the phone rings. "Hello, sir? We saw you had a "do not disturb" sign on your door. Would you like us to make up your room today?" Hang up and call the front desk. Ream them a new one. Fall back asleep. Phone rings. It's the manager. "Sir, did you have a problem with housekeeping?" F---------------CK!!!!!

Oh, and the last time I politely told the van driver that we weren't in any hurry, he blew a gasket and I was almost ready to break out my secret agent weapon in case he stopped the van and came after me! Got his ass fired, though.

Buy you a beer, jetdrvr if you do any ANC, KIX, PVG, SZX, NRT flying.

Been there done that. At 48 years old I had a neck injury that ended my NWA career. Thank God I never had to call myself a Delta Captain.

At 14, I used to look up into the sky in Buffalo,NY I looked up at DC9's and B727's and could hardly wait. Now,38 years and 15k hours later; I look up at RJ's and Airbusses and think "those poor b...".

The profession isn't what it used to be, but any guy or gal flying the RJs 6 legs a day has my respect. And they're making a go of it through intelligence, hard work and sacrifice - compared to the legions of tattooed and pierced slackers that don't have visible means of support (except the parent/grandparent writing the checks) but do have iPhones, better cars than mine, and equally slacker kids!

This job still beats most others. HD-IMAX view out the window every day!

quote:

Originally posted by A7Dave:
The profession isn't what it used to be, but any guy or gal flying the RJs 6 legs a day has my respect. And they're making a go of it through intelligence, hard work and sacrifice - compared to the legions of tattooed and pierced slackers that don't have visible means of support (except the parent/grandparent writing the checks) but do have iPhones, better cars than mine, and equally slacker kids!

This job still beats most others. HD-IMAX view out the window every day!

Dave: Your right on, I feel for those young (and some old) pilots flying the RJ's. We had the best deal at the majors in the '80's and '90. I still tell every kid who asks it is a great life choice, but make sure they know what they are getting into.

quote:

You know the First Officers that are former USAF Colonels and who can't believe they aren't in the left seat from day one?

I had my share of those. If one got completely obnoxious, I'd look over at him with a sly grin and say, "Well, how does it feel to be jerkin' gear for a PFC?" That would usually shut them up.

Here's one that you old timers didn't have. The gray crew cut, lesbo, man hating, cat rancher.
And usually the bitch that I am stuck on a six day trip with when everything that can go wrong does.

quote:

Originally posted by surestrike:
Here's one that you old timers didn't have. The gray crew cut, lesbo, man hating, cat rancher.
And usually the bitch that I am stuck on a six day trip with when everything that can go wrong does.

Most of the cat ranchers I flew with were Flight Attendants, that is too funny!

Well, I just finished taking all of my flight logs and duty time sheets and putting them in the Logbook, after looking at the pile, I just finished a month or so ago. I'm 55 years old, I had my shot an an airline career, it didn't pan out so I when back flying single engine airplanes and helicopters. Its tough going for pilots these days as tough as anything I have seen. I was rejected for a job flying a pipe line patrol as not being qualified. gee I wonder what you would have to have for flight times to fly a 172 four hours a day? Oh well, I look at my 35 years of flying, and while some of it was great most of it was thankless, and I have even less to show for it too. I never got to into a jet anything. pistons and turbines, Nothing over 12500lbs either. A friend flies an RJ, I feel sorry for him. Its no life for a human being.

quote:

Its no life for a human being.

Well put my friend, very well put.

Hey jetdrvr, you hit it right on with your original post. I lost my medical back in 04 and haven't had to deal with any of it since. Your post took me right back however. Especially the guys with the granny glasses and napkins under the seat belt. WTF???

Always found myself looking around at the airline guys and saying to myself, "Where did all these poindexters come from? I don't remember them being in the military".

Yeah, I am bored shitless here in this little town, but when I think of hitting the hotel in LUX after an all-night trans-Atlantic and no rooms are reserved, or coming out of Sharjah three days late out of AMS heading for Kai Tak and hit Chinese airspace and they won't let us in because the idiots in ops forgot to renew the overflight permit, so we have to divert to Calcutta and surprise the hell out of the Indians with this whale parked on their ramp... well, I don't miss it as much.

Or after you do a double crew out of Cape Town to Joburg to Harare to Lagos to Vitoria and the loadmaster thinks he has priority on the captains bunk and he is one of the really stupid ones who won't listen to reason or threats and you end up trying to sleep from Lagos to Vitoria sitting up...and on and on.

I got the loadie fired, but he probably went over to Atlas for more money.

quote:

Buy you a beer, jetdrvr if you do any ANC, KIX, PVG, SZX, NRT flying.

Thanks, Dave. I used to do ANC/NRT/HKG (Kai Tak)/ANC a lot, but those days are long gone. That can be a truly beautiful run sometimes. I really miss it.

I have allways said that there should be an age limmit on female flight attendants..... At least some of the foreighn airlines still have hot young and most importantly polite and nice flight attendants... (aeromexico, avianca, lan, copa)