Righto guys,

I've come to the conclusion that somewhere along the way I have done or said something to piss off the hunting gods up there... or at least those in the big game department. I've decided that I need to do something about it

So here is my suggestion:

I am going to sacrifice a bottle of Gevrey Chambertin and some Prime venison Fillets to Dianea on Friday night in order to gain favour again and hopefully get some success over the weekend!!!

Of course I don't have a temple locally so will turn the table in the dining room into an altar upon which to place the offereings at about
7-30 on Friday evening.

In the name of ethical hunting and not wasting anything I will be appointing a couple of high preists to consume the offerings on behalf of the gods.

I thought some Gratin Dauphinoise might just make the antlers a bit bigger.

If anyone has any further ideas on pleasing the gods then they would be extremely well received.

Thanks

The Stalker Formally Known as Fallow Buck.

Well, a couple nights back - went to a high seat on a fruit farm I look after.

Found the bolted door ripped open and the interior smeared with rotten melon....... seeds all over the place. One of the shooting slits had been opened up and persons unknown had obviously been playing at 'how much fruit can we throw thru the narrow gap?'

Found a group of school kids emerging from a wood block (did I mention the ground was adjacent to a comprehensive school) and ushered them off the ground using simple but emphatic words. Any suggestion that they were anything to do with the damage was purely circumstancial of course!

Settled down to observe the strawberry beds - and bask in the subtle aroma of rotting courgets. Needless to say - having no high hopes of seeing anything other than perhaps a suicidal fox.

The light goes early at this time of year - but I had not been in place for more than twenty minutes before a green woodpecker landed on the side of the hochsitz and started trying to drill a hole through the wall!!

More well chosen words - and the bird departed to sit on a nearby pole and look curiously back at the noisiest tree it had ever tried to use as a meal! Seconds later it squawked and flew off and I returned to scanning the area.

At that moment a group of three Roe emerged from the wood block and made their way towards the strawberry beds. Two swift shots dropped the first couple Does - the follower pausing for a fatal second on the edge of cover. A third round went where intended, dumping a third carcass on the ground.

Checking the sports field no more than 150m distant revealed that school football and tennis continued uninterrupted - another testiment to the benefits of a moderated rifle! A lousy start to the evening ending with a very satisfied shooter - and a happy farmer!

So, FB having considered your menu from the perspective of suitable sacrificial offerings.......may I suggest a melon starter!!??!!

rgds Ian

Ian,

Sounds like some nice shooting!!

Melon starter it is and Strawberry something for dessert...

Rgds,
FB

Ian & TSFKaFB (Prince?),

Guys, your British sacrificial ceremonies are way too sophisitcated for the likes of us.....

As a sympathetic AR colleague & Brother in Arms I wish you every success at pleasing Diana and breaking your current Voodo shooting streak, if your complicated & over-engineered Dark Mass doesn't work I suggest the following:

I'd invite an Austrailan shooting buddy, stand around the gut pile of a fresh kill, while farting, belching, giggling, telling obscene jokes and consuming 1 liter cans of XXXX at an ever increasing pace. If it gets dark early we normally light up a bonfire using whatever is available for fuel, I can recommend fenceposts. The ritualistic bit comes at the end when we pass the snapps bottle around because hip flasks are also way too gentile for us!

We've been known to hold such events until dawn the following morning when everyone awakes in the fetal position next to what was the fire and now a large, smoldering heap of ashes.

The success at placating the hunting gods is directly related to the stench you have absorbed form the fire (smelling like the inside of an ashtray is good) and amount of green hair growing on your tongue and teeth the following morning. Also the quantity of refuse in the ashes; cigarette package foil, vodka bottles & caps, melted synthetic blue twine (easily located as it is used throughout the UK for various agricultural purposes); the more crap - the better. To really placate the Huntings Gods ensure that all present have at least one (or more) festering blisters on their hands & fingers from dicking about in the fire the night previously. A melted boot sole from the traditional fire kicker is guaranteed to get your shooting success back on track.

Landowners occaisionally complain but this can be easily blamed on wandering Gypsie bands or if in Scandinavia - Trolls (they're just everywhere!)

Courgets? Aren't those Zuccini's in proper English?

I will admidt protecting those strawberries is an honorable pursuit as they shold be grown, ripened, picked and used in various alcoholic refreshments; although you Brits waste most of a perfectly good crop on something as mundane as Strawberry Jam!

Ian, nice shooting, a three banger, Well Done!

Gerry,

I like your style but got put off on one point. How can all these swarthy aussies change to drinking strawberry liquers when the beer runs out????

and yet hip flasks are too gentile....

Honestly no need to explain.....



FB

I had a slap up chinese meal at lunch yesterday, and the hunting gods repaid me with two chinese water deer in the afternoon, one a rather nice buck, although he has snapped one tusk just below the jaw line!

sws,

Good shooting pal, gotta watch it with those Chineese though.

The reason is obvious, Old Chineese Proverb:

Man who hawe srap-up runch arways hawe one Buck wif bloken toof.

Or:

The Buck was previously in Newcastle kissing a Jordie Chneese Water Doe on Friday night. He's lucky he still has one tooth left!

quote:

Originally posted by Fallow Buck:


If anyone has any further ideas on pleasing the gods then they would be extremely well received.

Thanks

The Stalker Formally Known as Fallow Buck.

The Red Gods of Hunting also like burnt offerings. The aroma of good cigar smoke is particularly pleasing to them.