I Know I should not re use old material, but I posted this on the humor forum a while back.

I read it again today and just had to share.

Long live the memory of Tommy Cooper

Old ones are always the best ....................
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>
>> TOMMY COOPER - COMIC GENIUS
>>
>> 1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least
>> one of them would have seen it.
>>
>> 2. Phone answering machine message..........If you want to buy
>> marijuana, press the hash key...
>>
>> 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
>> shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts".
>>
>> 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
>> couldn't find any.
>>
>> 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
>> he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the steaks are
>> too high.
>>
>> 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled
>> him in.
>>
>> 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
>> shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!". The doctor replied, "I
>> know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
>>
>> 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
>>
>> 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in
>> the craft, it sank. Proving once and for all that you can't have your
>> kayak and heat it.
>>
>> 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
>> covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>>
>> 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
>> head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it".
>>
>> 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. "That
>> sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual".
>>
>> 13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is
>> there anything you can do for him?" "Well", says the vet, "let's have a
>> look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
>> his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What,
>> because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".
>>
>> 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck
>> up my backside". "How's that?" "Don't you start".
>>
>> 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!!!
>>
>> 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>>
>> 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
>> give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
>> go for it."
>>
>> 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
>> people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
>> Dad, or my older Brother Colin, Or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I
>> think its Colin.
>>
>> 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round". The
>> other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
>>
>> 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery
>> acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the
>> other one off.
>>
>> 21. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
>> They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
>> that was nice.
>>
>> 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
>> several places". The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore".