Quote from Billy Brag,
You're a dedicated swallower of fascsism,
You're an accident waiting to haqppen.

If you are dipping snuff, check the wind before spitting

Arkypete,

Good advice. Also, remove your mask.

Also, via "The Big Lebowski", don't throw ashes off a cliff. I worked with a guy years ago + we were on the job on a cliff face + he decided to piss off the face; well it came back + covered him in his own piss + I asked him if he didn't know better + he said, "No of course not, I went to school in Florence". From what I have seen of graduates from the Florence, Tx. H.S., I can believe it.

Never trust a fart.

quote:

Never trust a fart.

Or a shart!

Indeed! I was working with a guy in the 70s + we were on the way to the job but stopped at the store for ice + a can of snuff. When Ronnie came out the store door he had the strangest expression on his face. I asked him what was wrong + he said, I just shit in my pants + had to go in the restroom + use my pocketknife to cut my underwear off.

From an old Navy Chaplin assigned to the Marine Corp. Marine Corp's version of the 23rd psalm 'Ye though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, because, because I the meanest SOB in the valley'

quote:

I asked him what was wrong + he said, I just shit in my pants + had to go in the restroom + use my pocketknife to cut my underwear off.

Here's a true story. Had an expert witness in a natural gas pipeline case years ago tell me the following. He was dressed in a three piece beige suit and was going to a wedding with his wife and another couple. He and his wife were in the back seat of a Ford Mustang. He felt a little uncomfortable and thought that he would pass a little gas and relieve the feeling. When he did so, it was a shart and he had shit all over the back of his suit. Needless to say, he didn't make it to the wedding.

quote:

Originally posted by Use Enough Gun:

quote:

I asked him what was wrong + he said, I just shit in my pants + had to go in the restroom + use my pocketknife to cut my underwear off.

Here's a true story. Had an expert witness in a natural gas pipeline case years ago tell me the following. He was dressed in a three piece beige suit and was going to a wedding with his wife and another couple. He and his wife were in the back seat of a Ford Mustang. He felt a little uncomfortable and thought that he would pass a little gas and relieve the feeling. When he did so, it was a shart and he had shit all over the back of his suit. Needless to say, he didn't make it to the wedding.

Had that happen on the way to a demo at Boeing, was fortunate to be early with time to hit Kmart for new underwear...

After Wild Bill Hickok had been shot in the head + the Doctor was called, his head was in such a mess that at first it wasn't clear if he was shot from in front or behind. The doctor made the comment," If he was shot from the front, it was good shooting; if he was shot from behind, it was good judgement".

Big Patton fan here, as was an uncle who was with Third Army. And this quote is an inspiration to me, in life, and the practice of law:

"When in doubt, Attack!"

quote:

And this quote is an inspiration to me, in life, and the practice of law:

Spoken like a true litigator!

One time on the job during a break.

Half dozen or so of us were sitting and kneeling on the shop floor bsing.

One of the guys was always farting around others until it got plumb irritating to be around him.

This time he extended a leg and let loose a juicy one that ran down his pant leg.
Pay back he never forgot, because we wouldn't let him.

George

About 40 some years ago I got this story from a retired master Sgt. who had been one of Patton's cooks. Word was that Eisenhower was coming to review the troops + be stopping by for breakfast so everything was in a whirl to make sure everything went smooth. Being the army way they picked this dumb ass pfc to be the waiter. Taking Ike's order that he wanted a 3 minute egg. The kid sets off for the kitchen, then turns around + heads back to Ike to ask him some question. Ike looks up + says to the kid, "That was fast." The kid replies, "You may be a general sir, but a 3 minute egg still takes 3 minutes." When Ike laughter the tension left the room; me, I would be under the jail. But I have used that line many times in business when folks want the imposible.

Supposedly from Bismarck. Never trust a Russian, Russians don't even trust each other.

Grizz

Bismark also said, "I don't want to learn from my mistakes. I prefer to learn from the mistakes of others".

Have an issue?! Get a tissue!

Here's a duo for you.
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
From French President Jacques Chirac.
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
Rush Limbaugh's reply to Chirac.

The best quotes are from Patton, Churchill, Mark Twain and Will Rodgers. I'll paraphrase one from Will Rodgers:

There are three types of people in the world. The fist are simply intelligent and know better intuitively, the second group are capable of learning from the experience of others, and then there are the people who just have to pee on the electric fence.

Lavaca, I posted one from Patton on the misc. Forum, to whit; "I would rather have a German Division in front of me than a French one behind me,"

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. Winston Churchill.

No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent. Abraham
Lincoln..... Hmm, kinda applicable today, eh?