AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
> To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah
> night before
> last.
> Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
> I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that
> you demanded
> that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me
> and my
> girlfriend,threatening our lives. You also asked for my
> girlfriend's
> purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come
> across this
> rather important message..
> First, I'd like to apologize for your
> embarrassm ent; I didn't
> expect
> you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my
> pistol after you
> took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was
> wearing the
> jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that
> Kimber
> Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had
> picked up a
> shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you
> agree that
> it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head
> ... isn't
> it?!
> I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to
> wherever you'd come
> from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it
> was even worse
> walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell
> phone, and
> wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running
> to your
> buddi es to come help mug us again].
> After I called your mother or "Momma" as
> you had her listed in your
> cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd
> done. Then I went
> and
> filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other
> people in
> the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the
> big motor
> home took150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
> I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie
> Van Go Go's,
> along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his
> day!]
> I then threw your wallet into the big pink
> "pimp mobile" that was
> parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and
> side window
> and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
> Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from
> your cell phone.
> Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used
> the phone
> for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with
> that? Earlier,
> I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the
> DA's office
> and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my
> possible
> target.
> The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long
> chat
> (I
> guess while he=2 0traced your number etc.).
> In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing
> you ... but I
> feel
> this type of retribution is a far more appropriate
> punishment for
> your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort
> through
> some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can
> only hope
> that you have&nb sp;the opportunity to reflect upon,
> and perhaps
> reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in
> life.
> Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good
> day!
> Thoughtfully yours,
> Alex
> P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes
> for a more
> civil society!
> I probably don't have to ask you to forward this
> one.
> ?
>