.....Look, this is kind of a weird story, and, at this point I know very few details, but this boy could use a hand, and I'm going to try to figure out how to give him a least a chance to help his life outlook. I want to stress, I'm not looking for money, I am looking for ideas. I'm sorry I didn't know about this situation before now, but I didn't so here is what I know and, I'm not totally sure about all these details being correct since I got this information from my daughter, who goes to school with him but they are not really friends. She attended a going away party for him last night and I got these details in an "after action" report today.

At any rate, boy is 17 years old, will be senior in HS next year, according to my daughter, nerdy smart, knows all the answers to the teachers questions, but doesn't make very good grades due mostly to not doing homework and, who knows, maybe with no one to guide him and no money for college. Part of that could be because a) he drove about 25 miles one way after school to see his dying mother and/or b) he had a job. His father died some years back. He is, I think, the youngest of 5 brothers, and, according to daughter, only communicates with one of them and would be the only one at home, if he had a home. Location of brothers or what they do is unknown at this time.

He and his mother actually lived in a house on a small tract of land not far from me. I don't know if they owned tract or were renting it. His mother became ill, went to a nursing home about 25 mi away, then to a hospital and died last week. Not sure how long she was in nursing home, but long enough that boy moved into a trailer into town so he would be closer to work and school. So, he is a 17 yr old orphan. Now, according to my daughter, he is going to move in with relatives (relation unknown at this time) somewhere back east, possibly N. Carolina.

My initial thoughts were to simply give him $500 or so, tell him to use it when he needed it, but, that might or might now work with a 17 y old. I am almost sure he isn't a druggie, at least not yet.

I am going to suggest he consider the military, but, again, some people are not willing to do that.

Within reason, that's all I know, but if some detail would help, I'll try to see if I can get an answer.

Just to be clear, I don't know the boy, have never met him.

To repeat, I'm not looking for money at this point, although I'm sure it wouldn't hurt. If someone would prefer, PM or email me at sixtlghorn@aol.com

Any ideas?

I think you need to talk to him. Probably could use some help with the estate if there is any assets to divide. Also won't he get a little money from social security. Things like this he may not know.

You're certainly right and I plan on doing that. I actually don't know where he lives in the rented trailer and daughter is gone to batting lesson 90 miles away as I write.

AFAIK SS benefits for deaths are like $255. I suppose every little bit helps but that doesn't go far.

Sounds like he needs a mentor more than a handout. Perhaps offer to take him out for some BBQ and have a talk with him. You'll get a pretty good sense of his character to start. Afford him some time to think it over and give him your number. If he calls you then you're off and running on a mission that could save a life. I see money as a small part of what he needs. The military is a great idea for the right person.

Hope I wasn't Captain Obvious.

His chances of getting in the military services without a HS diploma are not good! The services can afford to be picky these days due to Obama cutting them back and also lots of recruits available due to the crappy job market. I applaud your sense of concern here and I'd recommend having a talk with him and try to get him to stay in school. He probably needs someone like yourself just to talk to, but also to give him some adult guidance. Let us know how it goes.

My youngest son and I had a "falling out" and he went in the navy after he graduated from high school. He spent 6 years in the navy and left knowing how to operate any and all lab tech equipment AND with a degree in computer science. He stepped into a job where his starting salary was higher than what I made when I retired. And, FWIW, had his head on straight and his feet on the ground. Also, no student loans nor debts AND he still had the GI bill (they call it something different now) to use for his masters.

quote:

Originally posted by Gatogordo:
You're certainly right and I plan on doing that. I actually don't know where he lives in the rented trailer and daughter is gone to batting lesson 90 miles away as I write.

AFAIK SS benefits for deaths are like $255. I suppose every little bit helps but that doesn't go far.

There is also Social Security Survivors Benefits. He should be able to draw a monthly check from Social Security(based on what his Mother and/or Father contributed).

If his parents contributed the minimum for eligibilty he should be able to draw a portion of their benefits as the minor child/survivor until either 18 or 19.

I don't know all details for eligiblity but contact social security and they should be able to help.

A lot of good suggestions here.I truly believe that the military is the best way to go.All my boys did service + it helped them mature + had someone to take care of them in a structured environment for years (you can grow up a lot in 4 years).That being said,it ain't like the old days,join the army or go to jail.Now you need a diploma or a damned good GED.Since he is still in shool + holding down a job,it appears that he wants to make it.I don't think a cash handout is the answer;damn sure buy some groceries if it came to that,but I still think the military would really help this kid. I'm sure he he may be eligible for some S.S. benefits but considering the hassle I think that my above statement about service negates all else.We want him to succeed on his own + not get used to a free gov.style of life. Sounds like hes not there yet;should'nt let that happen.

Help with his get SS benefits and rather than give him money he may or may not be able to handle, get him into a trade school or help him find work this summer that could get him a full time job. The Big Box home stores as well as Walmart have programs that can lead to college for hardship kids who possess a modicum of motivation. Otherwise, the military is the way to go to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Your time and guidance is far more powerful than a fist full of cash.

Had a similar situation for one of the kids in my high school youth group at church that I taught. Mom died, Dad was a junkie.

What I can say is get to know him. Be a mentor. Be someone he can go to and call whenever he needs. Help get him through High School. Then the military might be a great thing for him, but in the mean time, he will have some quality guidance, which I know you have.

In my case, I had an open door policy. He could come and go as he pleased with rules just like my kids. For a while he spent a good deal of time at my house getting his life and head together. We spent hours talking and just getting him through things. He never went to college or the military, but he is now the operations manager for an electric company. Just being there for advice and guidance is HUGE.

Update Gato?

Tried to set up a meeting a couple of times. Kid did not find times convenient.....I guess not surprising since he doesn't know me or what I want......I am not CPS, I'm going to try again, and, if no results, let it go. BTW thanks for all the advice. Since he is leaving the area, the "mentor" type advice doesn't really apply.

All things being equal,God bless you for the thought + effort.

check out West Texas Boys Ranch.. here in the san angelo area.... I might be able to help...

I was in the military for 20 years and retired a couple years ago, I can answer any questions you have or he has about it.

He needs a diploma, in most cases unless he scores a top score on the Asvab they won't take him without a diploma. Depends on recruiting numbers and changes daily.

Well, I met him and we talked a bit. I'm not good at being a counselor, especially to someone I don't know, and that's a fact. Seems like a good smart kid that has been dealt a fairly rough hand. He is really not sure what he's going to do, he may stay in the area. If so, I'll try to give him a hand or guidance as I can. I gave him a little financial aid. May or may not do any good, time will tell. But, like some things, it did me some good. I hope he does well. If I have any further significant news I'll report it here.

Jimatcat: I think he is past the boys ranch stage, he just turned 18 (I assumed he was 17 because he is in my daughter's Sr (this coming year) class but because of moving when he was younger he is a year older than most in that class) but thanks very much for the offer.

If you're still working, you might teach him a trade, if he's interested.
College here isn't a lot of money compared to other states.
There are a number of decent companies that will pay tuition for their employees to go to college. It's worth his time to look for a company that does.
Stater Brothers is a local supermarket chain that pays tuition for their employees, all you have to do is work for it.
Sounds like the next year is make-or-break, he needs to get through high school.

quote:

If you're still working, you might teach him a trade, if he's interested.

Good idea, but I managed to avoid real work for 50 years and it's not a lifestyle that I can teach. I am currently retired from not working and find retirement to be tiring.

AFA college in CA is concerned, he has no connections out there and, if he moves, will likely be to the Washington DC area. I feel he is going to stay in school and certainly will encourage that if given the chance. Time will tell.

All suggestions gratefully evaluated, I am not arguing, just relating them to his specific situation.