Saw this post on another board and it is pretty funny so I thought I would start it here.
I'll start.

After you shoot your average size buck "Oh crap, I thought you could see the big one!"

"You didn't happen to bring a map did you?"

"I'll be right behind you."

You did remember the tags, didn't you?

What bull?

You can't use that rifle here.

Toiletpaper?

I don't know how he bucked that saddle off? (and I used to ride broncs)

What is that gun for,I thought this was a camera hunt.

Chuck

The boy ones have the pointy things on top right?

I hope you don't mind sharing a sleeping bag.

I have this great feeling that you're going to be my first sucessful client.

how much are you gonna tip me after i save your over-fed, lily-white @$$ from that big-toothed, 9-foot grizzly bear, you chicken-livered, yellow-bellied city-slicker??

RUN....RUN....RUN.......

Boyd.... LMAO!

Outside of RUN!!...RUN!!...RUN!!

How 'bout....

Booooy, you gotta pretty mouth!

Which way is the truck?

Oh, your hunting deer?

Drummond

Dude - "Hey Guide, when will I know if we spot a really big one ?"

Guide - "When you see me reaching for my gun."

"My back is giving me some trouble, but if you can get the elk back to camp..."

"Jack Daniels and Rice Crispies, can't beat that for breakfast."

"All this talk about huntin' and game. Lets talk about football!"

It's a wonder homicide isn't more common.

Joe

"Yeah, so far I guided one client to a bull elk" (True story that really pissed me off!!)

"You may not want to pass up too many shots at legal deer."

I dont know, we sure had a bad winter last couple of years in our concession....

I was cleaning it and it went off! (it's archery season and your bow is in pieces).

I was cleaning it and it went off! (his gun is pointed at you).

I was cleaning it and it went off! (his pants are around his ankles).

Jamie

X-Man

Do you ever check you PM's

UK equivalent:-

'Shot a gold medal buck from this stand yesterday.'

'If you shoot a deer, drag it past that fence as soon as you can.'

'You can use my Parker Hale'

SOME I HAVE USED ;

Don't be to choosy the weather is looking bad.

( After passing on a scrubby little buck )
Well that was your 100% shooting opportunity.

Yeah, Yeah, this bend in the road looks familiar.

From personal experience:

1. This looks like a good place,you watch,I'll sleep.

2. I hate guiding,I'd rather wrangle the horses...

3. We don't use elk calls up here.....

I have to be back to High school tomorrow for my English Test.

Do you want to borrow my knife?

Horses?? We'll just ride the pack mules.

We need to hurry because I have a date tonight.

I had to much last night, lets try this spot next to the road.

Nice Butt

I dont understand, they were HERE last week!

(DG hunt) MY gun, naw, Ive got this pepper spray.

Chitter chatter, chitter chatter, bla, bla bla all day long...

Boilerroom
What is a P.M.?

If you mean email I get about 20 or so a day and check it often (yes I ride a desk these days).

When I log in the A/R forum it says I'm still not logged in?
I don't understand.

Jamie

Just wondering,

How many of you guys would like to hear this from your guide;
(Excuse language)

YOUR FUCKING HUNT IS OVER!

and

When you get there, tell the Outfitter that he can "SHOVE THIS JOB UP HIS ASS!

_______________________________________________

How about them apples, eh.

Daryl

[ 09-11-2003, 12:45: Message edited by: Yukoner ]

After dropping a nice bull elk just before sundown and it is beginning to get really dark ... Does YOUR GPS work?

True story with a happy ending.

Do you have any money?...we need some gas. (true story)

Well shit were out of gas.
The spares flat.
As the guide elbows the hunter and looks at his 250lb daughter she cooks, works horses and can pack elk all day, do you have a son?

"Hang on while I call the land owner and let him know we're coming."

Okie John

If HE says, "Hey you sure have a nice lookin butt."

"Nah I ain't never been married, sheep are a lot easier to ge along with."

"If we run in to the landowner, just let me do all the talking."

How about:

"Now carry this camera, that's right, and if anybody asks this is a 'photo safari'."

"I forgot my sleeping bag, can we share?" (did somebody post that one already?)

and
"Ok, those lions are moving this way, I'm just gonna cover you from up in that tree over there."

Red

Shoot the one eating out of the trough

That is the largest spike deer I have ever seen, shoot it.

True, from an outfitted elk hunt:

This is my 12 year old grandson and he'll sit with you tonight.

Mr. do you want to hear my song for the Christmas play?

It's getting dark and I don't know the way home.

These were from a "fully-guided" Manitoba bowhunt for deer this fall. I have a witness to most of them:

1. (At 6:00 am the first morning)"They told me they put up a tree stand in here somewhere."

2. "You'd better wear blaze orange. Some local guys will be blackpowder hunting near you."

3. (After a white pickup parked under my tree until dark) "The landowner said he saw a bunch of deer across the field tonight. Did any come by your stand?"

4. "I have to meet some guys at my house this morning. Why don't you sleep in and about 10:00 we'll go jump shoot some ducks."

5. "Damn, he must have combined last week." as we pulled up to a barren field.

6. It was -4C. with the wind about Force 7... and I've been in a cold ass stand for 4 hours. "Mind riding in the back, I've got a bunch of crap in the cab?"

7. "Well, at least you saw one buck this week!" after I saw a deer with one tiny fork on the sixth day of a seven day hunt.

8. I saw that guy walk past you with the blaze orange jump suit.. I wonder what he was doing on the property?

9. And the best, by far... "Do you want to make a deposit now to hold this week for next year?"

[ 11-23-2003, 01:11: Message edited by: JudgeG ]