Hey guys, earlier this week a one of my good buddies friends had a close call with a large brownie while he was fishing un armed (DOLT) anyways he edited this bear saftey tips off the next. (I did not do these I am just relating them dont flame me if they are not original)
also sorry for the swearing there was too much to delete and I think it looses somthing without it, if your offended or put off by it please dont flame me, just dont read it

Bear safety tips

Don't surprise or try to outrun a bruin

No kidding? Well, apparently calmly tying a fly on will surprise a bruin. What surprised me was how calm I stayed and how I clean my shorts stayed...

Here are safety tips for brown bears taken mostly from Katmai National Park's "Bear Facts" and Denali National Park's "Alpenglow" guides to peaceful coexistence with bears and nature.
(That should read: Here are safety tips that will protect our greenie butts in case you really screw up and piss off a critter 2 - 3 times as big as you.)

Avoid surprise encounters
1. Don't surprise a bear. Bears are active day and night. Watch for pawprints and scat. A grizzly's paw may leave a mark 15 inches long.

A: Duh. Watch for my scat, when I see the bear. I can leave a scat mark more than 15 feet long on the trail, when running from a bear.

2. Be alert always to your surroundings. Make noise, especially when visibility is limited, to let bears know you're coming. Sing and shout as you walk. Avoid whistling or grunting, which a bear may perceive as sounds of food or threat.

A: Be at one with the universe, become the bear. Making noise will be involuntary: Most people make sounds like little gasps, expletives, hyper stuttering, and bodily noises. Don't sing and shout as you walk - it pisses off the guy your with and he may shoot you (with the gun he said he brought for the bears). Avoid whistling, because you suck at it. Avoiding grunting will be easy - you will lose all rectal restraint once the bear is charging you.

3. Never run. Running might encourage a bear to chase you. Brown bears can run 30 mph and can gallop up a hillside. You can't.

A: Yeah - sound good here, but when a BEAR is right on yer ass - try NOT running. Instead, try focusing on keeping your footing while running. Nothing sucks more than running and falling with a BEAR on your tail.

4. If you come face to face with a bear, speak to it firmly but calmly. Wave your arms slowly or clap so that the bear will recognize you as a human.

A: Speak to it firmly but calmly?? What is this? Hostage negotiations? Cuss the mother out - this could be the last thing you say. What the hell, huh? If you wave your arms and clap your arms, the bear may recognize you as on of those cult hippies that sells flowers at the airport. Don't do that shit. That is sure to get your ass mauled.

5. Retreat slowly and quietly. Don't make eye contact with the bear.

A: Retreat a helluva lot faster than that - and forget being quiet. Retreat faster than an Iraqi official in front of an Apache. Get the Fuck outta there. Don't make eye contact... what, if you can't see him, he can't see you?? Bullshit. Look that fucker in the eye like your John fucking Wayne, and then run like hell.

Keep your distance

1. Don't approach bears.

A: NO SHIT.

2. The minimum safe distance from any bear is 50 yards at Katmai. When it is a sow with cubs, stay 100 yards away. In Denali's open country, the preferred distance is a quarter mile.

A: The minimum safe distance for anyone not carrying a Stinger missile is about 3 miles.

3. If you're in a bear's path, move out of the way and let it pass. Don't make noise in an effort to move the bear out of your way. Try not to walk on obvious bear or game trails with limited visibility.

A: Bears don't give a fuck for the Supreme Court or Equal Rights, so getch yer bitch ass to the back of the bus. Try not to go outdoors if there is a gang of tough bears hanging around the street corner.

4. Don't interfere with a bear's foraging.

A: Better advise: Just fucking don't interfere with a bear's ANYTHING. This is easier to remember than trying to remember what the hell foraging means. I mean - the bear sleeps, eats and shits. So - does this mean it's ok to fuck with a bear while he's in the can? Or trying to get some shut eye? The fucker sleeps all goddamned winter - DON'T fuck with him. Talk about waking up grumpy!

If a bear charges

1. If a bear approaches you, don't run and don't drop your pack. Bears sometimes charge within 10 feet of a person before stopping or veering off. Dropping a pack may encourage a bear to approach people for food.

A: See earlier comments - and TRY not running! If the fucker gets within 10' and stops, one of 2 things happened: a) I have just shot the shit out of him and he can pass for swiss cheese. b) I shit myself so horribly, even the bear won't want to fuck with me. More than likely, it would be 'b'...

Stand still until the bear moves away, then back off.

A: Stand still - only if your mind is screaming at you to RUN, but your feet are nailed down like in those horrible nightmares we all have. Well, I thought that was common. hmmph.

2. If a grizzly or brown bear makes contact with you, play dead. Curl up into a ball with your knees tucked into your stomach and your hands laced around the back of your neck. Leave your pack on to protect your back. If the attack is short, the bear may think the threat is removed and will walk away, so don't move. If the attack is prolonged, however, fight back vigorously for your life.

A: If a bear makes full contact with you - forget playing, you probably ARE dead. Curl into a cheese ball, with your innards wrapped nicely around you, so the bear can snack on those delicious entrails while he moves you into a cache. Leave your pack on - the food you packed (that attracted the beast) will provide him with a nice dessert once he is done with you.

3. If a black bear makes contact, fight back. Throw rocks, shout and wave.

A: Yep - thought this might get racial. What if a Hispanic or Asian bear makes contact? And why the FUCK aren't we shooting this bear??? What's this, David and fucking Goliath? Shoot that asshole - ASAP.

Firearms and pepper spray

1. Backpackers and rafters are allowed to carry firearms on most federal land and in some national parks and preserves. (Katmai and Denali generally don't allow guns, for example, but Wrangell-St. Elias does.) The entire Katmai coastline, Brooks Camp and the Valley of 10,000 Smokes are to be firearms-free.

A: In other words, if you ain't a greenpeace lovin', bunny huggin', ass fucking hippy, keep the FUCK out. Yep - that's what they said. Thanks a fucking lot, John Denver...

A .300 Magnum rifle and a shotgun with rifled slugs are considered adequate for killing a bear, experts say, but the user must be ready for a quick attack, especially in brush. A .44 Magnum handgun is often considered not powerful enough against a charging bear and may be more dangerous to the hikers than to the bear.

A: Ya know, I think these assholes just play don't like handguns. In fact, I think these fuckers are Canadians, eh? Mo killed a bear with his skinning knife. I'll pack the goddamned .44, thanks anyway.

2. Pepper spray contains capsicum, an irritant derived from some varieties of pepper. Some people carry it, but like a firearm it must be ready to use on a moment's notice. Unlike a firearm, its effectiveness is greatly affected by wind, rain, distance to the bear and the time the can spent on a shelf. A researcher also determined that improperly applied spray may actually attract bears.

A: This shit will end up disabling you, not the bear, dumbshit. Use a goddamned gun - not a spray, you pussy. What is this - Nordstroms? Eau de Pepper? And what if that fucker likes cajun and goes for the 'blackened fisherman'?? Pack a Bazooka...

3. Having a firearm or spray may provide a false sense of security. Avoiding bear contact through smart hiking and camping practices is a better plan overall.

A: From experience: NOT HAVING A FIREARM PROVIDES YOU WITH ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE OF SECURITY. Pack the fucking gun. Practice shooting it at targets of bears. And greenies. And Canadian assholes like Stephen Herrero. Avoid bear contact by never leaving your San Fran gayass apartment.

4. "Bear bells" -- an inch wide or more -- are a popular item among hikers, who attach them to belts, hiking sticks and packs. Researchers found that a group of bears at Katmai, however, paid no attention to bear bells jangling near a trail.

A: 'Bear Bells' -- an inch wide or more -- are very painful when a bear shoves them up yer ass for sounding like a fucking reindeer takeout dinner.

Food storage

1. Food and beverages should never be left unattended. Food and other items with odors (toothpaste, gum and so forth) should be stored in a food cache or a bear-resistant food container or suspended 10 feet off the ground.

A: Leave your food about a mile from wherever you are - that should be safe.

National parks such as Katmai, Denali and Gates of the Arctic lend food containers to backpackers, and they may be rented in Anchorage. The containers, which weigh about 3 pounds, are shaped like a can and have a snug lid with a latch.

A: The tree hugging backpacker can't figure out how to operate this item, but a bear can just smash the fuck out of it and get it open... it appears the greenies are getting taken for a buck by REI and the local authorities

2. Keep backpacks and other gear with you. If a bear comes, it will often investigate, sometimes thoroughly, items left before it.

A: Then employ that fucking bear as airline security.

3. Avoid cooking greasy foods or foods that have a rich odor. For example, don't fry up a rack of bacon in bear country or open a can of sardines. Don't sleep in the same clothes you wore while cooking.

A: And don't eat beans if you plan on sleeping in my tent, asshole. Try not to smother yourself with lard or butter, as this is sure to attract the bear.

4. Keep your camp clean. Pack out your garbage.

A: yes, mother!

5. In campgrounds, store all the food, food containers, coolers and dirty cooking utensils in a hard-sided vehicle or in campground food-storage lockers when not in use. This is a requirement at Denali and a good idea at all campgrounds.

A: wow - you have to tell people that? They must be real idiots. No - let the bear get 'em.

Bears and fishing

1. In Katmai and along streams elsewhere in the state, bears have learned to think of anglers as a source of food. Stop fishing when bears are present. If you keep a fish, take it immediately to a food storage area.

A: I doubt that bears only prefer anglers as a source of food. I think they probably are open to eating hippies and greenies, too. You know - the vegetarian bears. If you keep a fish and the bear tries to take it, shoot that fucker. Enough bullshit already - stand up for yourself, you pussy.

2. Always have someone "spot" bears while others fish. If you're playing a fish when a bear approaches, break your line quickly and move out of the water until the bear passes. A splashing fish often attracts a bear. To break the line quickly, lower the rod tip until it's parallel with the taut line, then pull backward quickly to snap the leader or tippet.

A: I 'spotted' my shorts - more like skid marked 'em - when the bear came over. To break off a fish, just do what comes natural. I've seen you fish, and you suck. So keep using that WalMart shit and this will be the easy part. Like you ever had a fish on!

3. Don't clean your fish in camp.

A: Or in your sleeping bag. Or in your car. Geez - what else will the think of? Don't taunt the bear????

Sources: Katmai National Park's "Bear Facts," Denali National Park's "Alpenglow" and the Anchorage Daily News.

All liberal greenie media sources - so trust these fuckers. No - really, listen to me. Pack a gun. Or more. And use that fucker. These are bears we're talking about. Shit - pack the rifle and a DR mower, with the M50 mounted on the front. Clear a path, literally.

[ 07-03-2003, 13:58: Message edited by: Dark Paladin ]

My son had to chase about a 200 pounder off the deck the other afternoon. It is amazing how fast they run when you let fly with a couple of rounds of 8mm. I belive your very right about the handguns the whole idea of being armed goes agaist most of the forest and parks peoples whole thinking about being with nature.

A friend of mine was charged by a black bear on his property the other day. He came across a sow with four cubs and she did a bluff charge on him. Well I guess he panicked a little because when he went to jump the fence he fell and bruised his ribs and gave himself a pretty good gash on his face.

He said his four wolf crosses decided to give the bear a pretty good go til they got a rifle and shot it. He then called the CO's and they came and offed the cubs.

I'm hearing that this year the sow to cub ratio is higher then normal so we can expect these encounters more often around here.

Dark Paladin;

ROFLMAO

I remember my indoctrination into the Alaska Air Command. We were told, "You don't have to outrun the bear, just the person you are with" As to firearms, it was suggested that a person carry a lightweight 22 pistol. It's easy to pack, and after you shoot your companion in the knee, you should have no problems out running them.

I only had one "Close encounter of the furry kind" and that was in '84 in the Bristol bay area. 6 1/2' Sow soaked up 5 .357 mag's, 3 220's out of an '06 and was dropped by a 338 Win Mag. in the neck. I didn't leave a "scat trail" only because I was "puckered" tighter than a bulls butt in fly time. I'd rather not go thru that again.

krag35

I always carry when I'm out,these days it is a Model12 with home loads. derf

Dark Paladin, that brought fits of laughter to me. I lived in Anchorage for a while, 1965-1967, and spent a great deal of my personal time "out there". As a graduate of several of these encounters, well, I get the point. It is a good thing that most encounters with bears do not turn bad, in my own encounters, they never crossed the line into full tilt boogie attack, but left me shaken and in awe none the less. I see that the place that I had my last "interesting" time, Eagle River, which was just a bridge, is now a minimall. I'm sure there are lots of wild places left however. Thanks for the memory recall.

HIIIILARRRRRRIOOOOSSSSS!!!!!!!!

HIT home in a couple of ways.
Buddy of mine was the city manager of Ft Yukon AK for a while and he said the bears loved the Sierra Clubbers and greenies because they equated the tin cups and whistles and bells to an announcement "dinner is served".

I was bluff charged by a 225-250# black bear while moose hunting and it came to within 25-30 feet. I was carrying my .375H&H with 300gr partitions so I was feeling somewhat secure(?????) also didn't have a lic for bear.
Just a short distance from me is a store with a caged black bear claimed to weigh 500+ pounds. He almost looks you right in the eyes when on all fours.
CANNOT IMAGINE what it would be like to have a 500+ any kind of bear take exception to your processing oxygen. It WOULD be exciting though.

Great! ROFLMAO!

I had a friend going to Alaska for a salmon fishing trip and the Guide called him after he booked the trip to "breif" him on what he needed to bring...the last thing the guide said was "do you have any LARGE caliber handguns?". My friend said yes a .44mag Ruger, "why?". "Well bring it" commented the guide; "Because You are NOT at the top of the food chain up here!!!".

Now THAT gave him "pause for thought".

During his trip, one morning as they were leaving their lodge to go put the boats in the water (they took them out of the water each night), they found a small bear in one boat busily trying to get into the live well! He said they all did a "double take" and the guide quietly said "I think I need another cup of coffee" (Or was it a change of underwear?), so they moseyed back around the lodge and scurried inside for that extra coffee until the bear got tired of trying for an easy meal and moved along!

The offed the cubs O_o