Well now what about somebody you are guiding or just taking hunting to be nice.

I have to walk, I thought I could shoot from the truck.

Thats not the deer I wanted I thought it was bigger than that before I killed it.

I have the best scope, gun, binocs, ammo and on and on and on. But he can not hit the inside of the barn while standing inside. olefish

I shot this huge bull but it is kinda down in a hole.

I forgot my tag.

I have bad knees can you carry my pack.

Shoot that one, the one on the far right!
That one?
No, that one!
You mean that one over there?
No, the one over here, on your far right!

He never made the shot and there were only three visible.

Regards
Carl

I tried to kill my "unlucky" buddy a deer, so I put him in a bottleneck at the head of a major gulley running out of a twenty acre thicket:

Me: Stand here and wait while I push them out, they'll run right by you in about 20 minutes.

Him: But I can only see 75 yards.

Me: That's Ok, they'll be within 50 yards.

Him: Well . . . . OK.

I circled out, pushed the brush, flushed deer and saw them run out towards him, but no shot. Went back where I left him, no hunter. Found him a 100 yards away.

Me: What happened, why didn't you shoot?

Him: Shoot what? I didn't see anything.

Me: You should have, they went right through where I left you, the ground is torn up. Didn't you see them?

Him: I can't see that spot from up here.

Me: Why are you up here?

Him: You can't see anything down there. I waited a couple minutes and didn't see anything inside that confined area, so I moved up here where I could see.

I took this big tough biker dude out to kill his first deer. I took him down a near vertical mountainside and by 10:30 AM and after 11 rounds he had his first buck. That is a story in itself! Anyway we skin the buck out,cut him up and start up the mountain. After a bit I look back to see how he is doing. He is beet red, eyes bulging out and sweat is pouring off him. I asked if he was feeling OK. He says he has a heart condition! We made it out OK but he had me worried.

"What's this button with the red paint for?"

"One more time, how do you tell the boy deer from the girl deer?"

"Here's where he was standing when I shot. Oh look, he must have been eating acorns and grass..."

[ 09-13-2003, 07:17: Message edited by: steve y ]

!. "Here comes a warden-Maybe he can explain why this danged elk has a saddle on it."

2 "Here comes a warden-Maybe he can tell us why this coyote I just shot has a radio collar and weights 120 pounds."

3. "Here comes a warden-Lets see if he''ll take a picture of us and this here elk with Old Faithful in the background."

An out of state hunter has an antlerless only Whitetail deer tag. The guide puts him in a good spot in some prime river bottom land and proceeds to make a push towards him. He hears a shot, then another and then everything is quiet. He proceeds to the point where he left the hunter and sure enough he has a deer down.

Hunter: This doe has horns on it.
Guide: I see that.
Hunter: Do you think I should cut the head off it before we take it out to the rig.
Guide: You might want to skin it also because it happens to be a Mule deer.
Hunter: I wondered why it had such big ears and sorta hopped like a rabbit. It's horns were also shaped funny.
Guide: Why did you shoot it then?
Hunter: I thought it was sick and didn't want it to infect other deer.
Guide: Are you afraid of eating the meat if it is sick?
Hunter: No, when it is cooked it will be fine.

BTW, this is a true story told to me by a friend in Montana who was guiding this hunter. Also, as much as you "Big Sky" folks might want to think this hunter had to be from North Dakota, my friend said he was not!!

[ 09-13-2003, 13:18: Message edited by: Idared ]

This happened several years ago. I took this guy on a deer hunt. I had gotten to know him over a few previous seasons from talking deer hunting with him at the local convienence store "morning conference". He seemed knowledgeable enough.

The day of the hunt, we put him in the "hot seat", after eighteen rounds fired, he had a small doe and a button buck on the ground, out of about a dozen deer that went by him at about 25 to 50 yards. He was just standing there looking dazed when I got to him. when I asked him if he was going to field dress them, He says, "I don't know how, these are the first deer I've ever shot." By the way, I ended up field dressing them, and most of the eighteen rounds hit them.

DGK

Three things you do not want to heare from your male hunting partner

1. You legs look really good in those shorts

2. I forgot my tent, can I share yours?

3. Damn I forgot my sleeping bag as well.

A flaky hunting commitment. (Make up your mind)

My wife wants me home early. (Like 11:00 A.M.)

And his wife, when you drop him off ten minutes late. (Isn't that disgusting?)

"Permission? Hell, we're just hunting the place!"

"I forgot my gun. Can I borrow yours?"

"License. You need a license?"

George

I forgot my wallet and checkbook. Can I send you the money?

I've never been on a real horse. Since I fell off of the Merry-go-round I've been afraid of them.

Don't let the artificial leg bother you. I get around just fine on my crutches. It's my Heart that's the problem.

" I think we tied your horses up in the woods on that mountain side, or was it that one??"

" I use Game kings as my Griz load."

"What do ya mean no wives? You go tell her, she's in the truck!"

You and a guy you know, who has never hunted before, go deer hunting. You set him in a good spot and then proceed on down to another good spot. After awhile you hear him shoot and it sounds like a hit. Then suddenly here comes a buck three-legging it across your sights and you put him down. You walk back to the friend and all he says is, "Wow, this buck came along and I shot at him and blew a front leg clean off!!!"

I finally got tired of people asking me where I hunt or people following me.so when anyone asks if I got anything I just tell them "no but I got off a few good sound shots today"all of a sudden I get to hunt by my self..

...Scenario - myself and buddy hunting for bear in the thick alders, bear is possibly wounded and may be very upset - Me - "holy smokes, can you smell that? That bear must be REALLY close" Buddy - "uh, no, that's me you're smelling"

Something's wrong with this dang gun. It just goes off unexpectedly at times. I don't think the safety works.

I got two big bulls down, which one should I tag ?

Have you taken many gay hunters out with you before ?

"You guys aren't going to believe this, but I think I just shot an orange deer. Who's going to help me track it down?"

"So how'd you boys like the mystery stew?" "Yeah, me too, glad to hear it. Not many folks like eating brain these days, but I don't like to waste any edible meats, even from the likes of that crazy elk I shot yesterday... Yeah, the silly one that I found wandering around in little circles."

[ 09-21-2003, 05:08: Message edited by: lhonda ]

"You should not wear that brown jacket, you look too much like a moose when I look through the scope" (a friend of mine was actually told this).

The best, or worst, thing I have ever had a hunter say to me is,

"do you know how to load this thing?"

Drummond

This is an easy one.

"Daryl can you do me a favour please!" " I hate to ask you this, but can I get you to look at my balls please?"

Daryl

Yukoner's gets my vote. That killed me.

Reminded me of butt-rash inspections.....

[ 09-26-2003, 05:46: Message edited by: steve y ]

"Hi, my name is ToddE, of AR forums fame."

"Hi, my name is Axel Dempel, of AR forums fame."

"Hi, my name is Judy, of AR forums fame."



George

Hobie,

that was funny . Now that is a true friend.

Steve Y,
True story. This hunter's balls had saddle rash like you would not believe. He was in bad shape. Nearly cost him his hunt. Hunter spent the next day, butt naked, hanging his nuts out to dry. Lucky for him it was warm out.

Daryl

These are true comments from a guide...

I'd rather not walk too much, I can't stand snakes. We should mostly hunt out of the truck.

Please excuse my binoculars, they are broken.

Don't worry about the long distance, throw a shot out there and see what happens.

Which one is the buck?

Do you have a range finder?

Do you have a spotting scope?

Do you have a spare set of bino's?

1. The next day after your client confirmed that he wants a shoulder mount and the skinners have caped the trophy: "I think I only want the full skin for a carpet!"
2. "Do you take credit cards?"
3. "When is it of safe?"

OK I broke the rules, there's more than three.

Hunting License? No, but I got my drivers license right here, Why?

Hunting License? Yeah right here, I've had this one for 15 years! Probably should get a new one though, this one's getting hard to read.

Hunting License? I don't need no stinking Hunting License, I'm only going for a couple days!

Tags? I don't need a license, so I sure don't need a Tag!

I figured we could sight my rifle in, up on the mountain.

I like to get my money's worth so..........
Like they say on Television:
"Shoot More, Shoot More Often" So I use Partitions, you can shoot'em a whole bunch of times before they go down! Makes it much more fun and exciting!

[ 10-30-2003, 18:33: Message edited by: Marsh Mule ]

1)I am not feeling so good.You better go on and hunt without me today.Not to worry ,I think it is a 24 hour flu bug.By the way is your wife home this morning?

2)Daughter?

3)Mother?

[ 10-30-2003, 20:23: Message edited by: turnerhunter ]

1. BEAR!!!
2. LARGE BEAR!!!!
3. VERY LARGE BEAR COMING FOR US!!!!

(caps intended - I've been there & seen 'em)
Bear in Fairbanks

While hunting elk at about 10K feet northwest of the Spanish Peaks in Colorado. New hunting partner is found panting. When asked what's wrong here was his reply...

1. BUHhhh
2. BUHHHH
3. BIG bear!

Then he colllapses

My bud had a new one today.

He agreed to take a cousin's cousin (I guess you'd have to be from around here to understand THAT! ) bow hunting. Guy shows up with an obviously new all tricked out compound behemoth of a bow. New arrows, new everything including his camo clothes. Mike says he's sure the guy was clipping tags off the clothing. Then cousin's cousin says,...

"You got a picture so that I know what to shoot?" Mike showed him his 3-D target.

Apparently he immediately followed up with something like, "... the dealer said this bow is pure poison out to 80 yards."

Apparently he didn't bag a deer but had a great time!

Reply to re5513,

I could see his face, hear his voice and experience the situation.

Luckily I was in front of my computer and I burst out laughing. My colleagues though I was crazy.

Thanks, you made my day.

Wilhelm Greeff

I was down in the thick stuff trying to jump a buck for my buddy who was on top of the ridge with his new 300RUM with the 4-12X scope. Put out a nice buck right up to him and he misses it! When I get up to him he says," I can't understand how I missed that deer, the guy at the store boresighted my rifle for me!"
I don't hunt with him anymore and he doesn't understand why
Blacktailer

I brought a gallon of whiskey so we can get all drunk tonite. Do you think your 12 year old will mind?

You go out before sun up?

Do you have any batteries that will fit this aim-point? I have enough for my gameboy though.

I forgot my boots, do you have an extra pair?

Do you have any 12 gauge shells around here?

What's a riflezone?

Last year I shot a deer with this 12 gauge at 400 yards. Right through the head!

If I see a deer with spots should I shoot it?

Why are all you guys wearing orange? Is that some kind of uniform?

That stand isn't very good for sleeping, So I took my nap on the ground. Who the hell built that thing anyways?

I had to go pee so I did it from my stand.

I had to crap so I did that under my stand too.

I didn't hear any shooting so I come to see if you're alright. (8:30 am) I stopped at every stand on the way here. Those other guys didn't seem to want to talk.

That red squirrel was making noise so I blasted him.

No, that was me. I figured I would howl like a wolf to scare the deer to you.

Are we going to watch the football game this afternoon?

What do you mean you don't have a TV?

HEY, LOOK AT THAT DEER OVER THERE!!!!

Sure it's your land, but I don't like to hunt with women. Maybe you should tell your wife to go home.

Are you mad about something?

Can I come back next year?

Can you show me where I am on this map? Oh, I thought we were over here.

I shot the first one that came by. He went down then got back up and while he was running away this bigger one came by so I shot it and it stayed down.

Did you see the other one that got up and ran away? Oh, he had plenty left in him.

(I could've cried.)

"LOOK, DADDY!!! THERE'S A DEER!!!"

"DADDY, LOOK!!!! THERE'S ONE WITH HORNS!!!"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOOT? YOU LET HIM GET AWAY!!!"

and, all this at medium/high volume from a seven-year-old! Gotta Love It!!!!! Bug.

Is the safety on now?

I'll test it.

BOOM!!!

This happened to me once. Not fun.

Johan