As I write this the radio is playing in the background. The song is an old Beatles tune titled "I'm a Loser" and I'm thinking it is appropriate after another failed attempt to get the bull elk that keeps me awake each night with his incessant bugling.
In many respects my failures are the result of bad luck and circumstances beyond my control. Take attempt No.1 for example.
I was sitting in the house talking with visitors in the mid-afternoon. In the middle of the conversation my wife comes in and says, "have you looked at the bull in the field? he looks pretty big."
I got up and looked out the window and, sure enough, there he stands. He's at about 550 yards and the antlers are substantial even to the naked eye. I take a quick look through the 20x scope and he's a solid 6 pointer. Not a book type elk by any means but not bad. Legal for sure.
I grab the 308 Norma and 3 shells and telling my wife to "hold that beagle" I head out the back door.
My plan is to circle around the back side of the hill and come in on the elk from the far side. It's about a mile and a half around to where I want to be so I take off at a brisk pace. Now, I'm quite certain I could have taken that bull from the porch but it just doesn't seem right. I mean, how do you brag about a hunt like that?... "Yeah, it was brutal. The porch floor was hard on my butt and the beagle kept putting her nose in my ear. I was lucky to make the shot."
See what I mean? Not much of a story. So I decide to do the stalking thing.
I jog for about the first 1/4 mile until it becomes apparent that my fitness level is nothing like it used to be. I slow to a brisk walk, then a slower walk. At about the halfway point I come to a place where I can see where the bull was and he's still there! From my vantage point it's about 800 yds to the bull. When I get around to my shooting position it will be an easy 150yd shot. I continue on.
Then in the distance I hear the rumble of a vehicle coming in on my driveway. " Oh great" I think, "Another butthead from up the Elk valley coming in to shoot my elk! Again!"
I begin to hear the chirps of alarm from the cows and sure enough, by the time I get in position they are gone. I continue around to the for side of the field and settle in hoping they'll circle back. They do! They are coming back to the field a little far off (about 400yd) but I decide this is good enough. When the bull shows he's going to get thumped! As the first cow steps out a shot booms and down she goes! What the hell? I watch as three guys run out into the field to see the elk The kid had just shot. The herd scatters. Turns out the kid had a cow draw for this place. They had been the truck that drove in. They had walked brazenly across the field a sat in an old cabin on the far side hoping to ambush a cow when they came in. It worked for them. It didn't work for me!
The next evening I decide to try again. I'm pretty sure where the elk come in so I walk around to set up my own ambush. I make a bigger circle this time, about 3 miles. I pass up a small whitetail on the way. I'm after a bull elk. Right? Nearly to my vantage point, I look down to step over a log and look up right into the face of a cow elk! About 20 yds away. I'm busted! She chirps then crashes through the brush. I hear the rumble and chirping of the whole herd as they run off. I try to circle out to get ahead but it's getting too dark. As I give up and start my walk back home I hear a bull bugle from close in. I tell him to shut up. He bugles again.
The next night is a near repeat. Caught by a cow and it's too dark. Saturday I have to drive to Spokane so I make enough of a commotion Saturday morning to scare any elk within miles when I leave. The Elk Valley boys aren't going to have much luck if I can help it. This is my elk!
I get back home Saturday night and as I get out of the car to open my gate I hear bulls bugling all over the place. I tell them to shut up. They answer. The beagle bays. They answer. The gate squeaks. they answer. It's not going to be a peaceful night.
I sleep pretty good anyway but at around 6:30 they make enough noise to wake me up. I decide it's worth a try. I slip on a nice pair of plaid pajama pants and a sweatshirt. I step into my hunting slippers and shuffle out to make my try. I decide not to worry about the beagle and she follows along. So does the pointer. And three cats. I shuffle down through the draw and across the drive. I move silently through the woods in my fleece lined slippers. The beagle chases one of the cats up a tree. The pointer brings me a stick to throw. I kick at him and miss then go to retrieve my slipper which has flown off into the woods. I have a little trouble getting through the barbwire fence. The baggy plaid pajamas keep getting caught. I finally get through though then low crawl for about 75 yards to get to a good position. The elastic in the pajamas is a little loose and I have to keep pulling them back up. The grass is wet and cold. The beagle shoves her nose in my ear. The nose is wet and cold. There are elk everywhere including at least three bulls but it's still to dark to see well and really too dark to shoot. I get into the sling and settle in to wait. The bulls are real active challenging each other and at one point the big guy takes a serious run at a rival who gives way. I know it's him and I can see well enough to shoot but I can't shoot until I can count the points.
I hear the rumble of a vehicle coming in on the driveway. Lights flash through the trees. The herd stampedes out the far side of the field.
I get up and walk back toward the house about a quarter mile away. I'm shivering. The guys who just drove in look at me a bit strangely. The pointer offers them a stick. "Good morning" I say.
"Hunting?" asks one.
"Trying", I reply. I'm having a little trouble because my plaid pajamas are caught on the fence.
"We just drove down from the Elk Valley", he says.
"No kidding", I say resignedly. "Good luck"(I don't mean it).
It turns out one has a cow tag. I tell him a better way to come in to catch them. I head back to make coffee and warm up. The pointer offers me a stick. I throw it. The beagle runs a cat up a tree. I've missed again. I'm a Loser! Regards, Bill.

Ya see Bill you didn't get that elk 'cause you didn't have a big enough gun.

To catch a good bull especially at 500 yards you need at least (the very minimum) a 20mm Oerlikon with the brand-new-this-year Elk Seeker Tip ammo. Yessiree!! It is even adjustable for sex of elk and size. As it speeds unerringly down range it looks ahead and calculates body weight vs rack size guaranteeing you th largest elk you ever did see, or it will speed harmlessly by. [Carefully read directions on side of ammo packing crate]

A .308 Norma! I'll bet you were loaded with only 200 grainers for shame. The problem with these pop-guns is you have no standoff range, you are actually expected to try to get close!!!? Remember...run down you your local gunshop and pick up a new 20mm Oerlikon and next year you can tell the story of how you caught you elk with pride!!

Remember winter moose season is coming up too.

That sucks Bill. You must be a far more patient person than I am, I would have explained to the person that I was about to shoot a bull before they came and chased it into the next provence. I hope you get your bull and thanx for the amuzing story.

Chased the bull to the next province... Hmmmm maybe I will get a pop at him as he comes over the mountains. I like your justification for the stalk Bill, 500yards would have been much too easy a shot so I decided to get closer. Very ethical in my opinion.

Great story, Bill.

I'm a loser more often than not. It does make the occasional win sweeter, though (or so I always tell myself).

Tim

A good story, well told, Bill. You'll get your bull. Good hunters always do.

Bill: I can't tell you how much I look forward to your stories! Makes me long for the years when I lived in the country and had similar things happen to me. Keep us posted on your pursuit of that bull.

Awaiting chapter 3, I have decided that you, like myself, are getting old and a bit senile and have become a rather lazy elk hunter, but thats Ok, we have put in our miles and made our bones...we deserve the priviledge.

Oh, by the way, you will henceforth be know locally as "jammy boy"

Bill,

I chuckled through your whole story. I could just see the same thing happening to me.

THX

Where can I get some of those "Hunting slippers" ?? Thinking about my boots and the hiking I did last year that sounds damn fine, but youve got to get that pointer to bring you the daily paper or a Cigar instead of a stick!

Incidentally that Elk from the porch story could have been spun into something to make the Matchking advocates beem with glee, or Jim, or whatever it is they Beam with..