This weekend young Smallfry is going to get married in New Mexico! I am so excited. We have been good friends for 7 years before we got serious. We are both students, I am in engineering and she is in Med school. We wont be able to take our honeymoon for at least a year, as we are too busy. We are thinking of Austrailia (strange how I put that oine togeather ).
You men and woman have any worldly marriage advice?
Good or bad

If you have ever wanted it ... buy it now!

If this doesn't make sense now, just wait a while and you will see how true it is!

Congratulations. I wish you a long and happy life together.

Congratulations and follow Wendells advice!!! Your post followed my wife's reminding me that this Sunday was our Anniversary and I had just gotten off the phone with a friend making plans to go hunt something this weekend!

Doug

[ 07-23-2003, 05:14: Message edited by: dwhunter ]

Smallfry
I'll hold on the congratulations until your 10th anniversary.
The only advice I can give is..You need air, water, food, sunshine...You want the Beemer, the hunt to Africa, the bride, etc.
As long as you don't confuse the former with the latter you will have a long and happy life.
Jim

Well, I really don't really know what to say except enjoy the bliss while it lasts. As time goes on, if you don't include her in ALL the major decisions that should be jointly made you are screwed! Women have longer memories than the elephants that are harvested here. Does she like to shoot, hunt and fish? If yes then you have found a GEM and you had better hang on to her with all you got. Hope you have many, many happy times ahead and best wishes etc etc

May the Good Lord bless you both with a long happy life together and grant you the number of children that you desire. May they all be healthy and may she always allow you to go hunting when you want, and not ever limit you on the number of firearms you care to own.
Amen

Congradulation,
The best advise I can give you is to send me your favorite rifle. That will remove the temptation to spend the time shooting it, and you'll spend more time with your bride. We'll all be happier .
Honest guys, I have his best interest at heart.

"Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"

Seriously,

Congratulations!

I am married and I would not ave it anyother way.

Advice?

A marrige needs periodic maintenance, just like the truck does.

Daryl

Well I'm still learning about marriage myself as it has only been 26 years for us. (With four grown children out of the house.)
Let me tell you one big thing not to do. Do not book an eight day fishing trip to Mexico with your friends on your 25th wedding anniversary! That cost me two weeks in London, Paris, Germany and Belgium. That was the most expensive fishing trip I ever took and I'm going to hear about it for the next 25 years at least.

I too married my best friend, we had seven great years before she was killed in a car accident. One thing we did not do --- let our marriage ruin a perfectly good friendship. Take care of that friendship, the "marriage" is just a legal definition of your relationship. Best to you!!

Congrats Smallfry,

Patience, tolerance and humility. Your entering into a whole new world so keep an open mind. Fact is if I were my ol'lady, I would have left me years ago.

DONT FORGET THE FLOWERS!!!!

Best wishes.

The best advice I got before we got "hitched" was...

"Don't argue about the cat's whiskers."

Thirteen years and no arguements yet!

Joe

The secret to a happy marriage is:

When she asks you to do something you don't want to do......

Do it right now!

Do it with a smile!

and....

Do it wrong!

That way she'll quit askin' ya!!

Just kidding!! Seriously, give flowers all the time, not just on special occasions. They mean more that way. Congratulations!

[ 07-23-2003, 09:07: Message edited by: Nebraska ]

I think 8mm had it spot on. As a college prof who teachs "Marriage & Family" and "Human Sexuality", a key is to keep the friendship. The love will build on it.

I'll pass on what an 80+ year old friend said to me,"keep plenty of tens and twenties in your wallet,then you don't have to hand out fifties and hundereds,because you'll never see the change "
muskrat

Smallfry,

Congradulations, this October will make my 28th anniversary. Wouldn't trade a day of it for anything, well maybe one or two.

Just remember that whatever she says, she is always right.

Also, buy a real large gun safe and DO NOT give her the combination!

Way to go SmallFry! All the best wishes to you and the family to be... (watch it, families seem to grow out of pretty much nothing ).
- mike

Congratulations Smallfry. If you make it to the Territory give me an email and we'll have a beer!

Bakes

Periodically and at random intervals buy her flowers and when you give them to her look her in the eyes and say "You were right Dear, I'm sorry". Irregardless of the circumstance she will know what you are sorry for......I know, I know you think you don't have to be sorry about. Trust me you do and she knows what it is.

I've served 39 years with life to go....trust me.

Getting married while still in school.... that brings back memories. At least you'll know how to spell "broke".

Remember the definition of "compromise": an agreement that doesn't please either party.

Never compromise. Always look for a solution that makes both of you happy, instead. A good marriage is one where both parties get more than they give. Bon Voyage! Dutch.

Been married twice, couldn't recommend it to anyone. Congratulations anyway!

Wendell's got it pegged , good luck!

DGK

Congratulations and get ready.......that's about the best way I can put it!

Its been said that a woman enters a marriage expecting to change her man and a man enters a marriage expecting her to change. That pretty much nails it on the head! The only thing I can say to this is....don't lose yourself. You are important to you and there are things that you should not, nor be expected to change about yourself...these are the things that make you...you. You will change...just don't change too much. Do not expect her to change...at least for the better anyway!

Don't mention weight, or looks, or hair, or clothes...in general, anything about her appearance. When asked directly....pretend you didn't hear her, or lie!

Learn to accept that you getting new toys is not going to happen. She on the other hand will get just about anything she wants! The sooner you accept it, the easier it will be on you!

No babies until both of you are ready! First they beat you over the head with a preacher and a bible, then they beat you over the head about a baby. If you aren't ready, go to whatever extent possible to prevent it from happening...including (God forbid) abstenance! Don't trust her to "take care of things." She wants one...that's what matters! And a baby won't fix things or make them better! Now, if you are ready....start popping them out like a factory!

That's about it for now.

Good luck and congratulations!

I also married my best friend almost 20 years ago and it is the way to go. As for advice:
1. The way she looks today may very well be the best she looks in 50 years. Don't let it bother you. If you married her for looks, you did the wrong thing. (Same for her.)
2. Re-read what Arkypete said above several times. If you don't NEED it, then it keeps things in perspective.
3. Ego is a marriage killer on both sides. If it isn't really important to either of you, then it really isn't important enough to fight about. I found that if I let her have what is important to her and not to me, she does the same for me. That's what starting out as friends does for you.
4. Make a list of all the things done in a marriage. Things like getting up at 2:00AM with the baby when it's sick, taking out the trash, doing dishes, cooking, remembering relatives birthdays, disciplining the kids, car maintenance, etc. Think of all you can and make a list. Copy the list for her. Go to separate rooms and place a big "H" by the items you think are yours and a big "W" by the items you think are hers. Have her do the same. (You can do big "H" and small "w" for the things that are shared.) After you are both done, get together and compare and discuss in great detail the lists and selections. This will not much change over the years. If you don't match much or can't compromise on the list, don't get married.
5. Remember the kids are much more important than jobs or even careers. If one of you is not willing to stay home with them to shape their values, either don't have kids or don't get married. Daycare values pretty much suck. If it ain't a fistfight, it is pretty much allowed at daycare. You don't want the kids going to the daycare workers home when you get older, you want them coming to yours. Be there for them.
6. Learn to be compassionate. Women live on passion and compassion. If someone dies (even the dog) you have to act like you care, even it is the nastiest relative on her side and you know she hates them too. To this day I still hear about when my wife's labrador retriever died after we had been married 10 years and I tried to lighten it up by saying "Dog gone". Bad form.
7. Love her every day. I didn't say you had to make love to her every day, but show her you love her every day. This usually means time, not flowers. She will return the favor.
8. If you don't have to get married before you get out of school, DON'T. Finish something before you start another.

Good luck and may God richly bless both of you.

[ 07-23-2003, 20:27: Message edited by: larrys ]

Looking back on forty years of marriage, I have this advise to the both of you: Work half as hard to KEEP your spouse as you did to win your spouse and you will have a long happy marriage.
I like the idea of spontaniety with the flowers. At random times, with a card that sez: "Just cause I love you" or some other smarmy sentiment. However, don't bring them home. Have them delivered. And if she works, have them delivered to where she works. (guarenteed there'll be some good rockin' tonight) If you go out to a party, buy her a corsage. If your friends, who are now pissed at you, complain, simply say: She likes to get flowers and I like to be the one who gives them.

Good luck, actually it don't take luck, it takes labor and I hope it will always be a labor of love.

I thank you all for the advice. Id like to add that she and I have so many things in common. We are such good friends, and always have been. We respect the time we spend away from each other... time that is quite time personaly. While she doesnt hunt... she has NO problem whatsoever with my hunting and obsession with guns, metals, and metalworking, in fact she is happy and interested in all my pursuits.Her father is vietnam vet 2 tours, purple heart, was in artilery, now a building inspector, and has raised her well. He raised her on 22s.
I have taken her shooting, and she loves it... I am sure when I finish building some of my other rifles and a few I am building for friends and family, I will put togeather one for her. She likes single shots,22 Khornets, 9.3X74(must be the length ), and 250 savages... so we know she has class.
though I am going to finish engineering, she is in med school and wants to get into surgery. We have talked about kids, and she believes who ever is making the most... should keep working. She would like me to be a stay at home dad. Of course the kids and I are going to have to build guns and throw sand all day, and shoot selected birds off the feeder

Bakes... we may take you up on that offer! One of the reasons I picked Au for a honeymoon is I want to shoot hoards of game... she said that would be a great idea.

8mm or more... God bless you. That brought a tear to my eye.

Thank you all for the support, she is a wonderful and understanding young lady, and is very bright.