Next time you are in your favorite retail store,

Ask the clerk who is trying to sell you a new Fish Smoker if it will do cats also, how many does it hold,
is it better to use cherry or Dog wood chips, and do you have to skin them first?

When you are buying a new set of tires from your truck, ask if they get good traction on cats.

When you are with your attorney filling out your Advanced Medical Directives, tell him you don't want
to be buried until they are shure you are not just CAT-atonic.

Go into the Petsmart store and stand in front of the cat food until the clerk asks if you need help. Tell
him/her that you want the food that will attract the most cats. When you are asked what type of cat you
have, let you eyes glaze over and then in a monotone voice reply "None yet". Stand motionless until they
throw you out of the store.

Go into Home Depot and look at barbegues. Ask the clerk for help on the rottiserie. You want to know if
you should insert the rottiserie into the cat's mouth or butt first. Also ask for recipies for basting
a cat.

Apply for a job at the local Animal Control. Fake a resume and explain in detail all the things you have done
to control cats.

Volunteer at the local animal shelter. Tell them you only work with cats while uncontrollably clinching and
unclinching your fists. A little droole would help.

Put a big sign in your front yard "Cat Shelter and Rescue" with an "I am the NRA" sticker on it.

Buy a pair of heavy duty gloves at Sears. Take them home and shred them with your wire wheel in your drill.
Take them back and ask for a refund because they wouldn't hold up while you were strangling your neighbors cat.

Go to your local city council meeting and demand they enact a cat leash law, that they decriminalize the killing of cats, that they put a bounty of $100 on cats, that all spaying and neutering of cats be done with either a
cleaver or a 12 gauge, and that they give a tax refund for all ammo used to kill crats, and that all non-cat owners be given either a Ruger 10/22, a Marlin 17 HMR, or a shotgun with a permit to use on cats within the
city limits. Then shout the only good crat is a dead crat before you stomp out of the meeting room.

Go to every shopping mall and gather up all the "free kittens". Call your buddies and tell them to come over
for some target practice with a crat barbeque to follow.

Fence in your yard and put a dozen coyotes in it. Let them out at night to hunt cats.

Go to the annual country club dance with wife wearing here new fur coat made entirely out of Tabby.

Instead of coon skin caps, make your kids cat skin caps for wearing in the play about Daniel Boone at school.

To even see any one of those acted out would be priceless entertainment.

OEH, I know what you mean....problem is around here is most of those things would get a sincere answer, or a pat on the back with the knowing wink.

I prefer Button Wood for all of my smoking. Very mild infusion of smoke taste, sorta like an H. Uppman Original.

Dan

POTYHC

www.Wheres.TheBrandy?

quote:

Go into Home Depot and look at barbegues. Ask the clerk for help on the rottiserie. You want to know if
you should insert the rottiserie into the cat's mouth or butt first. Also ask for recipies for basting
a cat.

Dragon Lady?

Bob K,

I thought dragon lady liked cats?? I don't want
to go back and review his/her posts. Weird individual. Some one's alter ego I bet.

quote:

Originally posted by Old Elk Hunter:
I thought dragon lady liked cats??

That is why the are a menu "Special"

Hog Killer

Whoa there! I was rather partial to the DRAGON LADY composite myth. Particularly as "she" seemed to have a way with crats and nymphs.

I'd think the "cat skin cap" would make quite a statement. Especially with the head still attached, facing forward on the peak, with a snarl, permamently affixed.

Dan - does the buttonwood blend well with the smell of gunpowder? I'm thinking of doing some short-range shooting with magnum cartridges....

I love all of them but most would get me locked up for sure !!!

Any time you see "free kittens" ad in the local paper, call 'em up and ask if you can have all of them, and if they know of anybody else that's giving them away, because you need alot of kittens.

When they ask, Tell 'em you need bait for coyote hunting.


HTRN

I have never met the people, they may be myth.

The story was that this nice young couple would show up at places that had posted free kitten ads. The introduced themselves (truthfully) as both being veternarians. They talked about how they loved their work and loved animals.

They worked primarily with large constrictors which often dined on young cats.

Thank you OEH. That's the only laugh I got all yesterday.
A word of caution:
Some of the little darlings with the box of "free kittens" will have been counseled to watch out for anyone wanting all of them. The excuse I used was that I'd just built a horse stable and needed some cats to help keep the mice away. It also works well to say that you have a number of children equal to the number of vermin and they'll each want their own. Another way around this is if you make it a team sport. A two or three man team taking two at a time can clean out a single infestation in about 1/2 hour. It takes that long because you have to allow about 10 minutes in between for their attention span to expire.

A couple of other observations:
Couldn't the square cardboard receptacle where Ms. Fluffy deposits her offspring be called a litterbox? That helps you get beyond the cuteness and see what they really are.
Is there any such thing as a "free kitten"? That's like saying "a free case of the clap". Eventually you pay for your mistake, others around you suffer also, and (unless you are some kind of freak) you wish you hadn't got it.

I find a brief, yet idyllic description about how much the widdow baby kiddies are going to enjoy rolling around, playing in the sunshine in the barn haymow will convince nearly any child that her kitties are going to a better place.

Of course, they ARE going to a much better place, at least as far as I'm concerned....

Panzer guy? I was just wondering, have you tried "tracking" any of those kitties! What would you feel to more effective, a high speed tracking or a "neutral steer"! derf

By "neutral steer" are you referring to a zero raduis 180 degree turn? That should flatten and bury in one step!

Yep, "neutral steer". Most ranchers think it's a case of redundant terms. Peaceniks might even think it's a case of friendly ambivalence. Those of us who have ridden iron and steel (and depleted uranium composite) know better. Nothing says killed, cleaned, gutted, spread and buried better than good old "neutral steer."

Have a great tank day!

If I ever win a lottery I sure would like to get myself an old Canadian Model Sherman(Firefly). I prefered the diesels to those Wrights! derf

We had a M4A3E8 that stood gate guard at a local base for 50 years. The public had complete access to it, so it had been treated rather shabbily, and the local VFW decided to "fix it up" and make it look nice. Several of the VFW members were in my National Guard unit, so we sought for and received permission to tow it to a local shop and clean it up and repaint it. We hooked up the M88 to it, and gave it a good healthy tug, and "holy crap" the frickin' thing fired up and started pushing against the tow bar! Shifting the M88 into reverse made it shut down again, but someone had parked it in low gear and the 50 some year old diesel was still good enough to run!

Mil-Spec Tough! Wow!

Dan

POTYHC

www.Properly.Impressed