It's going to be a great year! I just know it. The neighbors down the street gave me their trampoline at the new year's bash they had because their moron kid was spotted jumping on it with a five foot long length of black iron gas pipe in his hand. He was using it to steady himself as he went airborne. He is rather tubby, and they have a sixteen footer. Tubby was launching about eight feet up, after a few bounces for building momentum or whatever trampolines build up. They correctly anticipated that if he bounced long enough he would soon impale himself with the pipe. Being somewhat concerned, they gave it to me when I suggested so. If tubby could go astronomical, I was thinking "what about a cat, or a bag of cats, or a basket of little cats, or a few orange tabbys, main coons, a big box of birmans, or even cats and coons together, sort of like 2X4 or 4X6 turkey shot. With close enquiry and being sneaky I found out tubby was depressing the center of the fabric 3.6 feet on his most altitudinal of flights and that he was coming in at 165 pounds and was 4'8". Knowing those figures and armed with my old slide rule and physics texts I soon figured out after I got home with it, about the time I killed the bacardi I had, that a medium sized bag of cats, say 25/26 pounds would launch 1287 feet straight up into the air if the center of the fabric was depressed 3.602 feet from rest at dead level. Soon I mastered the basic formulas and got into advanced cat ballistics with vectors, wind deflection, angular launch, and similar considerations like figuring out the s.d. and b.c of various cats in relation to velocity as appropriate. Then I tested out replacing the springs with some old-time garage door springs I just happened to keep around for tinkering with. Now I can't tell you the velocity and launch capacity and other facts about the tramporine after I had to make it three layers thick of fabric, but K. Kong had better keep his *ss off it. I poured a concrete cylinder with a padeye mounted on top directly under the center of the springy stuff. I reinforced the support legs and mounted the trampoline # blocks high. I set up a 25 inch diameter titanium disc in the center that had a huge eyebolt on the bottom side of the fabric. I borrowed the electric winch and double draw pulley off my ATV to pull the fabric down and cock the trigger on the bolt. Last night I tossed a spoonfull of tuna on the titanium, tilted the yard light to dimly light the top up, and closely observed. Three hours later a medium gray cat jumped up on the edge and lightly started snesking toward the tuna. I hit the launch button without counting down about the time it started cleaning tuna off its lips. The ground shook, the trampoline fired, and the cat simply disappeared. Good thing I bolted it down well. My close examination revealed nothing. But it was strange out that night. The county sherrif's helicopter circled for hours ejecting flares, a small town on the other end of the county reported that a blob of protoplasm, perhaps from outer space had burst through the roof of the fire department scaring the poop out of six visiting job applicants, and the seismological station in Raleigh reported a very minor 1.3 ground disturbance up our way. Any suggestions? N.S. Sherlock #(proprietary information)

That is so great! If it's even partially true you are a man amungst men. You should sell your new cratapolt on ebay. I bet you cuold fetch a pretty good price.

Your story should dispell the Yankee ascertions that all Southerners are lazy dumb folks. You researched the solution well and applied many principals of physics to effect a successful crat
launch. It is a shame that the payload did not reach escape velocity. That would have kept NASA
or the Air Force up nights trying to figure out the compositon of our newest satellite.

You have added new meaning to the phrase "The South shall rise again!".

Bravo ,N.S.

Now if ya would just build a Batting cage over it......ignite the projectile somehow...all yer neighbors could Oohhhh and Aahhhh at the fireworks show.

quote:

"The South shall rise again!".

Indeed! Good Show Ned! For the rest, never underestimate the power of a restless mind trying to resolve a problem.

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.alexisparkinn.com/aviation_videos.htm#TEST%20FLIGHTS

NS, angle 'em due west. Get me on the phone and just yell "Pull" just before you launch them. I'll be in the back yard with my humpback, a box of high brass number sixes, and some peach brandy.

Atmospheric friction should make 'em heat up and glow. Better than shooting doves any day.

Does this mean a mother necessitated your invention?

A trifle off topic here but, I saw the other day a demonstration of the power of a "Steering Wheel Airbag. These fellows dug a shallow hole to contain the airbag, wired it up, then put a 55 gallon barrel over it. Whump, 55 gallon barrel 20+ feet into the air.
I almost wet myself thinking of the possibilities!! derf

Yeah, sorta like an ejection seat for the Mother-in-law? NO, DON'T DO IT! I was just kiddin'...

Of course if there's a crat in her lap, go right ahead.

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.Social.Engineering

I was just thinking, "it's going to be a great year" but not so great with the loss of 120MM. derf

Or maybe not?

Guess who!?

From the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli.....

From the bowels of Ishfahan, to the edge of Tipperareeeeeeeeeee!

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.Feelin.Plucky

Herbie is 120?
Good to see ya didn't get washed away.

ssshhhh.

It's got to be a great year--my son borrowed my live trap to clear up a neighborhood infestation of ferals (across the street neighbor is feeding them on their front porch but my son won't shoot them off the porch). So, I am "forced" to have to resort to ballistic remedies for my own abode and surroundings. Too bad.

Well I guess I won't be able to tell people to go light up a big doobie and relax any more?