This is in response to DragonLady's post on my "guns" thread.

Honey, I hate to break it to you but the man is DEAD. Due to my job, I have seen many go the way he did. Too many, in fact. These are not crime scenes but for some reason the scene units get called out on these events which are ultimately deemed "suspicious deaths" by the responding officers.

These victims (maybe not the right word) strain a little too hard on the crapper and wham, the heart stops. They then fall off the crapper with their uncovered butts high in the air dangling other body parts for everyone to see as well as the thing they were straining to remove from their body. Once they relax in death things "move" properly. I can tell you, this is not how most people want to be remembered. I am sure Elvis did not either.

I have only seen this happen to men, not women. Apparently we know how to "breathe" properly.....

Guys, if you are going to strain yourselves in this way, please do us all a favor and stay on the toilet. Oh, and eat plenty of fiber too.

Best response to the question-- What do you think of these rumours that Elvis is alive? Came from the pathologist in Memphis who did the autopsy-- "If he is alive, he is walking around without several of his organs. I have them in jars on shelfs in my office."

He's dead, people just don't want to admit their "king" died with his nekkid @$$ proped up in the air. I spose if he were my king I would feel the same too.

I think the medical examiners only keep pieces of a persons innards for their jars. During the autopsy they dice things up to look it all over. They stuff the rest inside a plastic garbage bag and fit it back inside of you and stitch the abdomen back up. It's painless for sure.

If the big E is dead, then who the hell was working the counter at the 7-11 in Madison, Wisconson? Musta been his evil clone made by aliens aligned with the Illuminati and powered by chrystals

Toolmaker

Toolmaker,

Think of it this way, like your profession, you craft things from lumps of metal into refined objects. Well, the medical profession does the same thing with people and their faces (sadly). So you don't even need aliens for that kind of thing.

He's dead

He's dead

He's dead

So what ever you saw in Madison wuddn't the real thang.

Since Digital Dan has not chimed in yet (maybe he's a King fan and is grieving). I'll sign this as...

www.TheKing.AintNoMore

You are right TM. I saw him myself, and frequently hear him singing. No doubt about it. Its no stranger than a president not having sex with that woman, you know.

Dunno 'bout that male-only part, Ann. I responded to SEVERAL Dead Edna's who tumbled off the throne attempting to grunt out something hideous.

Just try maintaining the dignity of the deceased while they're sprawled on the tile in a nightie and the family's starting to congregate ....

Every day for three shifts (weeks) in a row once, I got a dead body call. Suicides, homey-cides, dead Gramma's, et al. My squad started calling me Corporal Kevorkian. Not my yob any more, thank God.

Mark

Mark,

Must be a Monatana thing for the gals you have found. I have never had one here. Not yet!

I too get the most bodies. I don't know why. I wish it weren't true. I only got 6 more years of it and will get out as soon as possible!

I just knew if I turned my back for a second this place would go bonkers! Well, here's what's up...

TM, I made up one of your bumper stickers, "WWJMBD?". Actually it was Mrs. Dan and her wizardry on the 'puter, 3x11. Thanks for your creative genius!

I have perused the other posts, laughed until I hurt! Thanks for the pain! Really doesn't take much to get there at the moment, had a visit with Dr. Kratz day before, I'll cover that later. Much more comfy horizontal than upright. Suffice it to say, I feel Elvis' pain, in a manner of speaking. Not the cardiac pain, the other...

Ann, I would not presume to speak for our resident Ninja Nut, but I've heard that people are only gone when the memories of others are extinguished. I never was much of an Elvis fan, but there was a verified sighting here in Yankeetown back in '61 when he filmed "Follow that Dream". BTW, Your timing in regards to body parts and biopsies has scarred me for life, inasmuch as some dweeb is at this moment examining some of my parts. Well, such is the scheme of the universe!

I like the Ludd approach to chucking wood with the big bore flame throwers BTW, the Army is known to favor that as well with artillery and perimeter defense issues. I suspect that a 175mm SP at charge 7 would fry a lot of 'crats. And chucks. It got some Chucks in Nam anyway. Hell on the crops though.

Sorry I can't be more poetic at the moment, seems Clay has that under control. I'll be back(CA. Gov. Accent) in a day or so, fit as the Devil's fiddle.

Dan

Pres., TYHC

www.DoctorDoctor.MrMD!

Dan,

Glad you have reappeared. What is the prognosis? And just what parts are they slicing and dicing off of you? I sure hope it is nothing serious.

Me personally, I have had biopsies for cancer twice in my life, an appendix removed, numerous broken bones, blah, blah, blah.

Where in Florida is Yankeetown, anyway? I can't say I've ever heard of it. I lived in Port Charlotte for a spell many years ago. Lotta blue hair around there.

The King is still dead.

No he's not, he's serving beer at an outback pub. Saw him when I went to Alice Springs

Well Ann, since you seem to have some background here I guess we can have a cyber consultation of sorts.

Some months back I was beset with a myriad of symptoms that were debilitating to a moderate degree, back pain, tenderness and some swelling of the privates not related to fantasies about my wife. Some leg pain as well. I began a journey through the medical machinery in the area and quickly found three doctors who should have their licenses pulled, then found a 4th who actually knew the sun sets in the west. It was icing on the cake that my designated guide lady at the clinic is cuter than Brittney Spears, even at the tender age of 45 or so... Anyway, Dr. Kratz poked and prodded, said "HMMM", and next thing I know I'm on a table watching this guy put a really big syringe in my IV while this other one is having fantasies about my ass. I was at the point of trying to explain epicyclic precession and projectile jump when this little Cuban gal woke me up, and that gave me sudden and horrid memories of my past life in Dade County, Fl. It was but moments later that I realized that butt boy was by nature into the rough stuff, and I needed a fire extinguisher for my bum. All in all, a rough day at the beach.

So, whilst asleep, they stole some samples of my love plumbing and now I await results, Film at 11:00. I have accepted the probability for the worst scenario, but remain optimistic; this has been diagnosed at an early stage. I was cautioned to not have sex for a week after the procedure...funniest thing I've heard in years! THEY obviously have not experienced the symptoms I have! It was the guide gal that told me however, and she was misty eyed like my wife. God bless them both! I think I shall have my lady go out and buy me a kilt. It would go well with my Tarpon Wear while I'm poling the boat across the flats, don't you think?

Lastly, Yankeetown is on the same coast as Port Charlotte, a fair bit north. About 6 mi. north of Red level. Maybe 1/2 mile SW of Crackertown. That would be 14 mi. West of Chatmire and 11 mi. south of Lebanon Station. Call it 24 miles south of Otter Creek. That Help? If not, look about 90 north of Tampa, a seething hotbed of liberal thinking that will surely be washed clean by a gay hurricane someday. I live on the bank of the Withlacoochee River, 3.5 mi from the gulf. I don't have woodchucks in the yard, but the feral hogs are a bother. Got to go load my Rigby.

Best regards,

Dan

Pres., TYHC

www.WaitingInThe.Bunker

Well, Dan, don't over do anything until you get a clearance. What a shame on the crack pot MD's you've had to endure. Sorry to hear.

You appear to be a spunky individual and I don't think you'll be down for long.

I used to find a lot of pig's teeth along the Caloosahatchee and Myakka and assumed the gators left the remnants. I never saw any wild pork but they were obviously there but my assumption was they are nocturnal. Can you hunt them year round?