Things have slowed a bit round abouts, I'm about to the point of being hypnotized by my table saw even as the downstairs project reaches conclusion. Only a few more rips and a half gallon of varnish to go before I move on to the next phase. It's been so slow in fact that I've even considered browsing the 4x4 forum.

Well, once in awhile my brain waves synchronize with the router or chop saw(usually when the steel hits a knot), then a neurological ricochet occurs. God alone knows where it will land. There should be a tatoo on my forehead that reads "Caution, dangerous within 5 miles" or something like that.

Well, I start reflecting on this place and all the laughs I've had here...it is truly an amazing synergy we have here. One of the funniest aspects of it all is that the ass that started the whole thing, the late Genghis, Lord of Concerted Constipation, is certainly spinning in his cyber-grave as the story goes on. I wonder now and then if he feels guilt in setting this wildfire?

Well, there have been tales told and tails whacked and after nearly three years of frivolity I find myself running out of tales, the neighborhood short of tails, and I have to really pause to recall things I haven't presented here in the Cat House.

Here's one:

Was married in Hell once, most of you know that. It was the gal that invented crat bungee flinging and a few other things. In that darkest hour of my life(even darker than Nam and the FAA) I found myself living under the same roof with a deranged woman and 4 crats. I considered her suicide at length. One of the crats, a very large black female(of which can be found in abundance in Georgia) had the personality of a hammer. Just like my Ex. She(Ex) decided to pamper her pride of porch panthers, each in its own way. The other female learned to bungee jump, the two males got to chase mice(what choice did they have, afterall she cut off their balls. ) Female #2 got a window hammock. Little frame that stuck to the sill, had a little brace to lean against the wall, and she got to lay there and grow fat in the winter sun. It's all the crat ever did. Eat, shit, piss and sleep in the friggin hammock. Well, it did the first three elsewhere, but spent most of it's time in the hammock. Funny thing was that every once in awhile the "safe and secure" adhesive would let go, and the whole mess would crash to the floor. Contary to popular myth, a sleeping crat will NOT land on its feet in such a scenario, but the husband will howl with glee and laughter. Then the wife will glare and curse, the husband doesn't get any that night and begins to percolate evil thoughts regarding the future of fat black crats, Wo Lin's Chinese Delight down the street, and other such ruminations. Damn crat never learned. Must have happened a dozen times while the little hissing bitch(crat) blighted my life. I never got used to it, laughed harder every time, and the hissing bitch(Ex) grew more shrewish with each peal of laughter. It was a bitter sweet time then, but I look back now and Still.

There was the time too when she(Ex) was dressed for a formal party and cuddling her favorite boy(crat) was taken aback by the sudden eruption of crat barf down her blouse, most of which came to rest in her cleavage. After a little hysteria and the party, a few drinks and such, well I'd forgotten about it until a fit of amorous passion led us to bed later on, and there in the dim light, faced with Le Grand Tetons, I had the indiscretion to ask, "You wash those things, Right?" Ya know, Lazy-Boy recliners don't sleep all that bad, even if your only companion is a twisted sense of humor.

Life is a vast land, never explored completely by any of us. All you can do is try to make the best of it, and maybe now and then rain a little sunshine on others. I never understood that "River runs thru it" line, so that's the best I can doo-whacka-doo.

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.DoinTimeIn.Yankeetown

I too was in a relationship with my version of the Grand Tetons.. Unlike yours which seemed to be full of unsavory times, ours was blessed with wonderous, happy years. Over time it just faded away, however.
We were riding around the perimeter of a cotton field enjoying the last few minutes of a summer day. This was a field I had traveled many times before but not since spring had prompted the growth of weeds, big ones.. As we rounded a turn I dropped the front right tire of my truck off the end of a culvert. Miss Teton was hurled foward, her momentum was arrested by the windshield which promptly shatterd.. She looked at me while rubbing her head. I commented, "you broke my f--king windshied!" Like you I found the couch a decent place to spend the night.. Not one damn thing to do with crats, but -----.

Gentlemen,

Common problem exists here...bodatious hooterus!! No krat, but a pussy involved. My #1 was a lovely red haired Lass with a bad temper when she was drinking. Came home one night after a wonderful evening at the O club figuring it was appropriate to indulge in the wonders she provided, only to find that it was a red flag day. Undaunted, I said "that's why God created the shower"....she slept on the couch and I got the water bed which she poked with an M7 bayonet on her way to the living room. It was a WORLD class set!!!

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If you don't get any it doesn't matter how big they were.

Ah, but Ned, patience is a virtue... Just give the old puss a smooch and all is smoothed over once again.. And then we're back in the saddle, between the twin peaks !!! Wonderous times indeed...........

I am not sure if I have posted this here or not.
A friend of long ago was wooing a gorgeous frmale that lived near us and was actually getting well on to second base when opportunity knocked,Loudly.
His parents were away for the weekend and so were hers. No adult supervision and runaway hormones bewteen 2 young lusters.
Envision,if you will, this incredably gorgeous young lady with her trim and shapely virginal figure, nearly naked and writhing on the couch aflame with the passions induced by my friend who is ready to let go in his drawers he is so wound up! Months of intrigue and sneaking around have gotten him to this point in time,ready to reap the fruits of his desire and labour of love. He sits back for a moment, catches her attention as he(and she) catch a breath, and he says "If I had only know you were coming,I'd have baked a cake"! Well as he got up off of the floor on the other side of the coffee table where he had landed,he though,as she stormed out of the door,clothing in hand but still mostly naked, "Well hell, I thought it was funny"! Since obviously there wasn't much chance at that point of reconciliation he figured it wouldn't hurt to cry out after her, "How about a blow job at least"?
Months of work down the drain,a perplexed young fellow who just couldn't understand the lack of humour in some females(must be a virgin failing) And when ever they ran into each other at school or the local hang out he never knew if she would burst out crying and run, or if she would go on the attack and he would have to run.

He eventually became the Mayor of Churchill,Manitoba but I don't know if those 2 things are related! derf

Yes Derf, you have correctly pointed out the psyche generally attached to notable femine assets. Good for the younger fellers to ponder. N.S.

Dan, Ned, derf, et al....

I have a story for the association - keep in mind this happened friday night, so it still stings a bit.

This girl I know(let's call her "R") called me up friday and asked if I wanted to go down to Jenkinson's along with another friend of mine named "M". Well "M" was fighting with his girlfriend so instead of going with us, he spent the night with her. So I wind up going to this place with "R", just the two of us... Evil thoughts started percolating in my brain... Yes, the distinct smell of opportunity has made an appearance... So, I pick her up and we're on our way - it's an hour drive down there, so I start trying to "talk a good game" on the way down - results: inconclusive. So, as soon as we get in the door she asks "where do we meet if we get seperated?" - this should have been clue #1. Anyhoo, she runs off to talk to some guy who told her this particular cover band was playing that night - clue #2. I wander around enjoying the "scenery" and after awhile, mebbe an hour, I meet up with her at the front of the stage talking to the sound guy(he's the guy that I was talking about). Well, Things were going soso, she was getting a bit drunk and wobbly so I tried to remove a libation from her hand and she pulled away sending ice all over, mostly on the mixing board. I promptly got a "look" from her. Clue #3 should have been the fact that she offered him a sip from her drink a couple of times... well she calmed down and got slightly more drunk and we decided to go. dragger her outside to use the bathroom on the boardwalk instead of inside(this way, no lines) and out popped her obsession with giraffes("do you see any giraffes") and listened to her get worked up that "A" (the sound guy) was annoyed at her about the ice - this should have been Clue #4. Well, she went and said goodbye - he seemed kinda annoyed at her, but was friendly enough to me when I apologized about the ice. Now comes the fun part, getting a drunk, overly chatty girl five blocks away to the suburban with police everywhere... Well, I had to lock my arm around her to keep her upright and I thought "hmm this might actually work".. After a long and wobbly walk(I actually offered to carry her at one point) we get in the truck and she being both drunk and chatty decides to call her best friend in Cali. Not available, so she leaves a message, just the usual drunk 2AM phonecall with one last bit that made me twitch: "A" is on the calender"... I've been Cuckolded! So, while driving around trying to avoid drunk stops(All I need is to get pulled over with a drunk crazy woman in the 'burb) I was shall we say "mildly annoyed"? Well we finally get on the Garden State Parkway and we pull off so I can get some food in her and she can pee. While listening to her go on about "A" being mad at her and eating, I put on the happy face. Back in the truck, I show her how to recline the seat so she can sleep. Her out cold, me driving at high speed with no radio(might wake her up) and miffed all the way. Now back at her apartment. she looks better but still a little wobbly. I just want her out of the truck so I can go home and sleep. I offer to help her to the door and she declines, then asks if I want to use the bathroom. I decline. She asks again if I want to come in(I must add at this point: she did so in a non "leading" way)again I say no, she gets out of the truck and wobbles to the door. Now, keep in mind I just spent an hour driving home in silence fuming all the way. Well she gets twenty feet from the door when I think: "did she mean "come in" or did she mean "come on in "? DAMNDAMNDAMN! Sigh, if wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.... Mebbe today I'll swing by where she works and try to feel her out.


Toolmaker

I'd a let her off somewhere in Philli for all the grief. Or at least regaled her with tales from the Crat Forum...

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.SlapThat.Bitch!

I should have expected it.

I've known her on and off for ten years.

You know what they say, in the middle of a storm, a sailor looks forward to any port!


Toolmaker