THE DILLARDS THIEF-- in San Antonio, Texas

This could only be true, you can't make this
stuff up.

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed
down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot.
Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no smell.
"What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured
Ellen. "Come on, Ellen, let's just go.." But Ellen had
already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining,"I'll just put my
things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She
dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to
cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag
and cover it.
They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their
goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if
they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine
while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.
They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over
to Luby's Cafeteria.
After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table,
they had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still
on the trunk. BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a
black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car, look
quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's bag without
breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and
Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so
fast that neither of them could think how to respond. "Can you
imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!" Kay
sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she
thought about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.
Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed
Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her
gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with the
Dillard's bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing
her tray toward the cashier.
Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the
register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag
on an empty chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked
whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to
survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough
to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the
tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to
make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her
lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper
chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in
trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the
Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen
and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole
minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes the
curly-haired woman emerged from the crowd, still gasping,
strapped securely on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers
steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her
belongings.
The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind
the ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.

Hog Killer

Situations like this make life worth living.

Talk about just desserts!!!!!

and this is even more common in the liberal states where there is less respect for other's property.

Some of you cat shooters ought to get some up scale stores shopping bags and some nice tissue paper. You might have some fun the next time you have to go with the wife to the mall.

Just a thought.

Hog Killer

Many of our deeds throughout history have given rise to urban legends such as the modern one above. Personally I have no doubt that it was originally one of our Nordic ancestors and a cat that was the direct inspiration for the "Hammer of Thor" concept, as an example. Since the time that history was memorialized on the walls of a cave or recounted around a firepit our efforts to dissuade cats have been the cutting edge of human technological advancement. Mankind has always fought evil cats.

I am beside myself with the possibilities the raises! The county gubmint center comes to mind as a likely point of distribution...

Dan

Pres., TYHC

www.Longrange.Videos

Surves her right!

Don't be wasting a perfectly good cat on a gubbamint oedipus. Donate it to your local peta support group. Just my 2 cts. worth.

I have to agree with Mr. Ludd! A friend of mine likes to leave rusty old nails and screws in the safe-keeping of various govmint office parking lots and them people are forever stealing the screws and nails and trying to take them home. Buncha thieves! Also there is the little matter of beuracrapic incontinance! Them people don't seem to be able to get shite right. Well except maybe for that! They would prolly give a stray crat to another old lady with only 62 trailer crats and there by continue to justify their own useless existance. derf

Derf! Let's trade. We got a partly conservative bubbamint here and lots of libertals. You have a libertal gubmint there and lots of conservators. Send a bunch of conservators like me down here, I'll reciprocate with libertals. I'll even toss in a huge load of mexican imperialistas to boot. Let the cats fall where they may!

quote...'I have to agree with Mr. Ludd! A friend of mine likes to leave rusty old nails and screws in the safe-keeping of various govmint office parking lots and them people are forever stealing the screws and nails and trying to take them home. Buncha thieves'

By golly, I'm going to the Sav-A-lot store tomorrow.They got sheet rock buckets of screws and nails for $8.00.
What a wonderful idea?
Thanks derf , I owe ya'.

Poletax, the cops won't admit to it but I think that was one of the reasons they did away with Photo-Radar as well. It was most amusing to see the Picket Vans jacked up for a tire change. derf