Just got home, stepped out of the car into a pile of fresh cat shit. Glanced at the flower bed and saw the cat taking another dump. Three short steps and I had punted the cat like a football. Finished the upward swing of my leg and saw the neighbor's distraught look as the cat came sailing her way. It made a sickening pre-death sound in flight. Regained my composure and yelled at her "And I want you to come over and shovel this other pile of shit after you bury the cat." Wiped the shit off my shoe on the lawn and stomped into the house. I suppose that the shit will really hit the fan when her husband comes home or she calls the cops. So much for impulsive moves. More later.

OEH.

Can't see her problem , you were only returning part of her property and asking her to collect the rest

Dave.
....

OEH, what was the max ordinate on the trajectory? Reason I ask is I heard that Coors recently heard about this forum and has been looking for a replacement for the famed Coors Schutzenfest of years gone by. They need a technical advisor and some fresh ideas...you're closer to Golden than me.

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.TheyGots.LotsOfShystersToHelp

OEH sounds like one helluva punt!
I punted a big tom once for spraying my pickup wheel and boy did he catch some air time!
He wasn't too excited about it but I damn sure was! Almost wet myself laughing so hard!
Good job once again on doing your part to keep our enviroment clean from stinking crat crap!

Hell, I even like some crats and I don't blame you one bit. Perhaps a pre-emptive strike is in order? Charge the neighbour with tresspass because of that shit dispensing furball and then follow it up with a statement of claim for damages. With any luck if the cops show up they will decide it is a civil matter.(Hey Don,we need a smilie with it's fingers crossed) derf

It might be helpful for your attorney to present them with your notarized statement of property damages and repair expenses along with the bill for your medical expenses due to the injuries you suffered as a result of your cat allergies and neuroses. Plus, I might add that maintaining a cat house is likely illegal too. Remind them that you have forgiven at least 37 other attacks by their herd of felines and your actions had given them constructive notice that you "were not going to take their abuse anymore." A five figure total is sometimes persuasive. Good Luck! N.S. Sherlock

quote:

I had punted the cat like a football

Careful there OEH.You could get 'crat kicking knee.'
It's similar to tennis/frisbee elbow, but more painful due to the larger joint.
I experienced a similar injury just this past weekend. Me and the boys were throwin' Shoe , cooking out and havin' a beer or twelve.
Late that evening the pain in my left elbow was wearing me out.I could not for the life of me figure out what I did to bring on such an injury.The next morning I could hardly hold a cup of coffee left handed.I was gonna write it up to the years piling up on me.I took the dawgs out in the yard so they could do their business.The lil' female brought me one of her tennis balls to play fetch with.I gave it a toss,WOW,pain shot thought my left elbow.Liked to piss my pants(boxers that time of day,4:25 AM).
A lil light bulb went on in this gray head.As I was throwing right handed,I was holding my coffee upright with my left hand trying not to spill it.
Hence the sore elbow from yesterdays Shoe pitchin'. A man can't be spilling his beer.

If you saw me you would understand the reason the punt was effective. I am only 5 foot ten but I am 270 pounds. A lot of that is from filtering beer. My legs are large and my favorite activity is strenous walking out on the sage flats. Take strong legs and add beer belly momentum and you can understand the cat's trajectory - lofted by a Neanderthal. I'm Irish and Cherokee (Choctaw, Shawnee, Creek, and Blackfoot also). I hate being a short stocky guy, but it does have its advantages. While in the Navy the only recreation in Asia was to
go to bars with friends. Invariably some little guy would decide that he wanted to prove he was macho and usually decided that I was the
best target. I would bluntly tell them that I do not fight, period. They would press it and I would then grab them on either side of the
rib cage and squeeze until something popped or they passed out. Never got in trouble for squeezing, but would have ended up in the brig for
landing a punch. I really got tired of little guys - I call them banty roosters. It is hard to describe the satisfying feeling of punting
a cat. All your energy focused on one swiftly completed task. Unfortunately for this cat, he didn't survive having his ass pushed up to
his shoulders.

Best way to deal with your problem is a Rapala #15 attached to some 25 lb test and a good spinning rod/reel combination.

Cast it out along the drive way and slowly reel...jerking it forward about 6 or 8 inches...very gently....easy now....slowly.....slowly...thats it.....WHAM!!!! Set the hook and the fight is on......

You may want to consider replacing the standard size treble hooks with about 1 or maybe 2 sizes larger--> definetly spend the extra dough on the shiny ones...cats seem to love shiny things and when the first one snags its paw and it reacts by biting at the sore spot in between the retractors, the chrome or stainless steel hooks tend to "slide" into the roof of the mouth much better and then setting the hook only takes a gentle (but firm and quick) rearward and upward snapping action of the pole.

Don't set the drag too tight either as they like to take a little bit of line at first and then they will slowly come in, as they approach the growling and hissing tendsto get deeper and louder so I reccomend another quick snap of the pole in response to each growl or hiss, this tends to create a negative behavioral response and they quickly shut the hell up.

Have your favorite crat whacker or fine pair of corinthian welding gloves for when the vicious beast finally succumbs.....just my advice...offered freely and without expectation of any sort of renumeration.

IV

This what you had in mind,sort of?
http://users3.ev1.net/~jtclay/fishin.htm derf

Old Elk Hunter,
Remember that momentum is always conserved! Mass times velocity= mass times velocity. If your 270 pounds behind your foot, moving at 20 miles per hour, translates into an eight pound cat breaking the sound barrier along with all the bones in it's body. I am amazed you did not require medical attention after defending your property from an unleashed and uncotrolled animal! Often physical therapy with the application of cold ones is required!!!
Jeff

Gas57,

I followed your advice and applied a cold one to my lips and tipped it up until the Guinness bottle was empty. That leaves five more medicinal bottles of beer from the six pack. Time to look for five more cats.